Man to Man: Husbands

I want you to get into pairs and ask each other the question;
1. Were you loved as a child?
What about when you made mistakes?
How were you disciplined?
2. How do you know you were loved?
Write down findings.

Know they have value.
Self confidence...
As adults, someone who was loved as a child will find it easy to believe they are lovable and it will also be easier for them to love.
1 John 4 :18
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

Read Eph 5.....
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. He who loves his wife loves himself” (Eph. 5:25-28).

I had a wake up call early on in our marriage...
3. What does it mean for you to married.

“Husbands, love your wives as you love your own body.” (as you love yourself)
It’s all about L-O-V-E, love!
Now Paul, has just addressed the women, said to them : “Wives submit to your husbands, as to the Lord” (Eph. 5:22).
Now of course this word submit is a very difficult word for ladies all through the ages to embrace.
Because it means to....Yield, surrender...
But it also means for us to get our act together...in other words be the man that God expects us to be.

What type of men are we supposed to be...take alook at Jesus.
Young men today need role models.... Mine was Gordon Nordstrom...my best friend Ron.
What if her husband is a wimp, not a natural leader?
When a man acts like a child, it forces his wife, to act like his mother.”
Thankfully none of you are wimps...

Jesus was a strong man;, he was compassionate. (kindhearted, feeling,)
He met the needs of people around him. Always he was thinking of others and reaching out to them.
“Strong men make strong families; strong families make strong churches; and strong churches will transform culture, and dare we say the land you are living in.”

Husbands love your wives!!!!
Well lets start with the question Do I love my wife?
How does your wife know that she is loved?
HOW DO WE LOVE OUR WIVES?
Phil Collins....You know we are two hearts believing in just one mind.

LOOK AT THESE SCISSORS
Pretty useless unless joined together. Only then can they be what the creators wanted them to be.
I was so scared before I was married....Triangle.
There are three of you in this marriage You your wife and the Lord.
God knew what he was doing when he said.
Genesis 2:23. 23The man said, "This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man." 24For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. 25And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.
In some countries the marriage are arranged by the families. So the two who are married don’t know each other.
But did you really know your wife on the day you got married?
But God does!!!
He knows what He is doing when He brings two people together who then spend the rest of their lives learning how to apply and put into practice His principles!

Paul says , “Wives, submit to your husbands; but husbands, love your wives.” Like the scissors... marriage is not going to work properly unless you both work in harmony!

HOW DO WE LOVE OUR WIVES?
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church.”
But what does that mean???
Eph 5:25
For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.
Jesus went to the cross for His church for His people.for you and for me.
There, you have it! Christ loved the church. So much He sacrificed himself.
In France last weekend....men were found covering their wives bodies.
In 1996 I was in Australia when a man Martin Bryant killed 35 people..opened fire in a tourist restaurant in Port Auther on the Tasmanian Island
A number of people shot where husbands had covered their wives bodies with their own..sacrificing themselves.
and that’s how you treat your wife – self-sacrificial love.
(Eph. 5:26-27). The sacrifice of Christ was intentional. It was purposeful; He was doing it for a reason. In the same way, “Husbands, love your wives, intentionally and purposefully.”
He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault.
By the same token, husband might be for my wife an agent whereby she is allowed to come to a point of fullness and completion and be all that God intended her to be. “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her; that she might become a radiant church.”
You see a woman who knows she is loved and I will show you someone who is radiant...not based on her looks.
Does your wife know that she is loved?

Marit what can I do to ....Make love to me right now!
One well known Christian leader...
Darling can I ask you a question? Do I make you ‘radiant’?”
She said, “Do you really want me to answer that?” He said, “Yes, I do, I need to know!”
She said, “All right I’ll tell you. Frankly, no you don’t.” He said, “Why not?”
She said, “Well, we’ve been married all these years. We’re married, we’ll stay married, we’re together. But for years our marriage has run on parallel tracks – you do your thing, and I do my thing. The reason I’m doing my thing is I know you’re going to do your thing. What happens is this marriage operates basically on the basis of what you want, and I just fit in. I’m rarely consulted, and if I do express an opinion, it’s usually overridden or ignored. I find, therefore, that the easiest thing to do is say nothing, and just go along with what you want to do.”
She said, “You are incredibly self-centered. The result is that I live a life of frustration, a sense of being unfulfilled, bordering on resentment.”
“I had a wake-up call.”

Men, this is your wake-up call from the Lord!

Two hearts believing in just one mind
But do you both know that?
What does your wife want from you this evening?....You....!
Romantic love and Practical love....
How can we show her that we love her....
# Show her you’re still attracted to her.
After you’ve started your family, chances are that your wife isn’t feeling like the same young fresh person she was when you were dating.
# Find one thing that you find attractive about her each day and compliment her on it. Your compliments don’t always have to be physical. They can also be personality traits, or things that she’s done. A simple daily affirmation of your attraction will help her to remember how much you love her.
# Acknowledge the role that she plays in your family.
Whether your wife works in the home, or out of the home, she needs to feel valued. Make a point of noticing what she does . Wow that was delicious thanks, the house looks great love thank you.
MY wife folds all my underpants...she is being seen...
# By sharing with her how much you appreciate her cooking, cleaning, working, etc. you’re showing her that you see all that she does and really value the partnership that you share.
# Be her knight in shining armour.
This one might sound cliché, but most women, whether they recognize it or not, want a knight in shining armour. That doesn’t mean you need to buy a horse and ride in to save her.
It does mean helping to minimize her hurt and stress. And family pressures, especially when times get tough, find ways to lessen her load and take the pressure off.
You could ask her....What can I do to help?
# Keep the romance in your relationship! .
This is key to showing your wife that you love her.
# Communication is something that comes naturally to some and takes effort for others. Keeping your wife in the loop will help her to know what you’re thinking and how she can take an active role in your relationship. Talk to her she is your helper....
# Fun stuff Do something Romantic...like flowers, notes, making love...and not only at the same time every Friday night at 10....same time same place....have fun!!!!
# DATE NIGHT
If you’re like us date night is something that we look forward to. We don’t go crazy we don’t want to break the bank.
It means spending quality time together and enjoying one another’s company.
Picnic, sandwich and coffee, cakes, shopping with her,,,go in the dress shops or wool shops.
There’s something said for being comfortable in your marriage and knowing that you’ll always be there for each other, YOU’RE THERE.....

The secret to a happy marriage and great sex

What does it mean to have a Christian marriage? To be a Christian wife? Or a Christian husband? Is there any difference between a normal marriage and a Christian marriage? Can you live together as Christians without being married i.e. is there such a thing as Christian co-habitors (“kristen samboere”)?

And what about sex? What does it mean to have Christian sex? Does that mean you only have sex on a Sunday, only use the missionary position, turn out the lights, and think about theology? Can we serve God even with our sexuality?

To understand marriage and sex, we need to understand two things, two fundamental truths about marriage:

The first thing you need to remember about your nagging, manipulative, argumentative wife is this: that she is made in the image of God. She may behave like a devil sometimes, but she is still someone made in the image of God. She belongs to Him, and should be treated like someone who is made in the image of God… just like you and just like me. We are of infinite worth because we are God’s creation, made to reflect him. Don’t forget that.

The second thing you need to remember about your beautiful incredible wonderful wife is: that she is a sinner. She may look like an angel, but she is depraved: sin runs through her like a virus. She does not seek God, does not love God… just like you and just like me. Your angel is still a member of the human race. She’s a sinner. And sinners sin. Don’t be surprised by that.

Open your Bibles to Genesis, the first book of the Bible, and chapter 1. While you’re doing that, let me just say that the same goes for husbands (image of God, sinners), but you ladies have already understood that. That’s why I use the male perspective because if I speak from the women’s perspective the guys will think “oh ,this is for the ladies” and stop listening! So, I’ll spell it out for us guys, and trust that you ladies will be perfectly fine.

Ge 1:26–27 Then God said, “Let us make human beings in our image, to be like us. They will reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, the livestock, all the wild animals on the earth, and the small animals that scurry along the ground.” 27 So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.

So we are equal, both male and female created in the image of God. And that gives us great worth as human beings. Whether we are Downs syndrome, terminally ill, damaged in a car accident, have a mental illness - whether we are a woman or a man, black or white – we are all of great worth, of infinite worth. For we are all created in the image of God. We were created to reflect God!

What does this have to do with marriage and sex? The person you are with is made in the image of God. They bear his likeness. They reflect his glory. Be careful then how you treat them. They are not a toy to be played with. Or a game to be manipulated. Or a punching bag. Or something to be thrown away when you’ve finished using them.

Likewise, you too are made in the image of God. Aren’t you worth deep commitment?

This totally changes how we relate to each other every day. Every day you deal with God’s image bearer. Every day you bear God’s image.

Turn to 1 Corinthians, chapter 6.

1 Co 6:18–20 Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. 19 Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, 20 for God bought you with a high price. So you must honour God with your body.

We are the Temple of the Holy Spirit. We are not just animals. The chorus of a popular song goes “Baby you and me we’re nothing but mammals, so let’s do it like they do on the Discovery channel”. Really? Is that it?

That’s what our society wants us to believe,. Sex is natural, yes, normal, yes, and without any moral structure apart from “do you feel like it?” No. We’re just evolved animals, and so we can behave like animals. (Actually I thought the point of evolution was to improve, not regress to a more primitive state…)

We have a dog. And she was recently on heat (løpetid) – when they are ready to mate. Her vagina swelled up to about four times the size, she produced a huge amount of sexual pheromones, and all the male dogs in the area were extremely interested in her. My sister’s dog, Rock, was suddenly very excited when she came near him. Normally he growls at her – but now Oooh. Then her heat was over…. And it’s back to Grrr.
Now, we’re not like that are we? That’s not how we’re made. We’re made in sex to become one flesh, one new person, a deep intimacy. We’re not like dogs, or we shouldn’t be like dogs, just see a vagina, mate, leave! Listen to Gen 2:24-25 This is why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. 25 Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.

The Bible has a high view of sex, a high view of the body, and a high view of our worth as people. That’s what God says about us. Shouldn’t we have the same view?

It is because we are not just animals that we get married. That we actually make a promise: an agreement to be united no matter what. To say that we are one flesh, not just two bodies slapping randomly together then drifting off to slap together with another body. It is saying “You matter. You are important.”

As Christians we have another, even higher reason, for marriage. It is found in Ephesians 5 where we are told that marriage is a picture of Christ and the church. Your relationship should reflect that deep trust and submission and love and sacrifice and deep intimacy that we have with our Lord and Saviour. Women should love and treasure and submit to their husbands – that means respect the husband’s leadership - like the church loves, treasures, and submits to Christ.
In our society submission is a dirty word, often associated with abuse. But that is not the picture here. Here it is joyfully giving yourself to someone who you know loves you and wants the best for you. It is being vulnerable with another. Entrusting yourself to them. Marriage is vulnerability – opening yourself up to another. For the husband is called to give of himself completely to his wife, to give up his very life for her sake, just as Christ gave up his life for the church. And the wife is to trust the husband, placing her life in his hands, that he will love her like he should.

It is radical! So not Politically Correct. And so, so beautiful to see. A Christian marriage where the husband and wife honour and treasure each other. Where the wife submits to the husband and the husband submits to Christ by loving his wife and giving up himself for her. It is a stunning picture of Christ and the church. And it is beautiful.

And that’s why Christian sex is sex inside of marriage. There is no such thing as Christian sex outside of marriage. Because that is denying who we are. How can you join yourself together with someone you’re not joined together with? That’s closer to being masturbation – self-sex – than real sex, an intimate joining of a husband and wife.

But remember that marriage is simply coming together before the community and promising to be faithful to each other under God. And that’s it. It’s not a big white dress and decorations and all the other cultural things that go along with it.
Of course there’s nothing wrong with all that, but if that’s the reason you’ve put off getting married and you’re now living in sin... forget the culture, obey God, and we’ll all pull together and give a very special Rock Church wedding that will be just as valid in the eyes of God as the fanciest wedding i Nidaros Cathedral! Talk to me afterwards if you want to do that! J

Ok, so a high view of humanity and a high view of marriage. Is that the secret to a happy marriage? Well, it’s part of it, but no. Actually the secret to a happy marriage is... Jesus.
But I need to explain the problem with marriage first before we get to the solution.

2. Problem with marriage is sin

The most common reason given for divorce (or why people who’ve been living together and having sex with each other “break up” – which is pretty close to divorce given the implied commitment you’ve made) is “irreconcilable differences”. That is: we couldn’t get along. We just didn’t love each other any more. Like love is some ethereal feeling that floats through the air. Love, my friends, is a decision, not a feeling. Love is a decision, not a feeling – which is why Jesus can call us to love our enemies. That’s a decision.
So, if you’ve fallen out of love with your wife. If things have got so bad that you hate your wife, that she has become your enemy – well, you Christian, are called to... love her. Ouch.

Anyway, why do we get to this point when things “just fall apart”? Why do we start hurting the ones we love, and destroying our closest relationships?

It is sin. The root of sin is selfishness. And that is the root cause of all divorce and all break-ups. Someone is being selfish – most often, both people! Maybe one more than the other. But it’s selfishness. I’m not getting what I want out of you. You’re not meeting MY needs. You’re not doing what I want, behaving how I want, giving me the freedom to do what I want. It’s all me, me, me.

My kids like to film themselves with the cameras on our phones and tablet. Debby pointed out to me the other day when they watch themselves there is utter delight and admiration in their eyes. They’ll just be going boodeboo into the camera and they watch themselves like they’re giving an Oscar-worthy performance. They love themselves. They worship themselves. They are the centre of their universe. And we’re all the same. We just hide it better. How often in a conversation are you just waiting for the other person to shut up so that you can say YOUR much more interesting words.

We all are self-worshippers from the day that our mother Eve decided to disobey God and obey herself. She was going to decide, not God! She took God off the throne, and put herself on it.

But we’ve all dutifully followed in their footsteps. We swap out God for ourselves on the throne. And we will crush anyone who gets in the way of us getting what we want. That sin, that selfishness, infects everything about us, especially our relationships. Some of us close up, close off, so we don’t get hurt, and live parallel lives with our spouse. Living together, but apart, desperately lonely, but starting a new relationship is too much trouble so we stick with the old one. But marriage is one flesh, deep intimacy, Christ and the church. So how do we get that? How do we fix things?

Well, the thing that went wrong was that we swapped out God for ourselves. What we need to do is swap God back onto the throne. Then we have his power – his Spirit in us. Which will enable us to open up and be vulnerable because He loves us. We can forgive because he forgave us. We can stop sinning – well, stop sinning as much – because he has defeated sin and given us a new heart. We can’t do this. But Jesus can. That’s why he came.

3. The secret to a happy marriage is Jesus

Jesus solves the fundamental problem with marriage – and indeed selfishness. Because he, and he alone, can swap us out with God. That’s what he did on the Cross. He swapped places with us. He took our life, our sin, our selfishness – all that mess that kept us separated from God and gave us his life. His relationship with God. And as our relationship is fixed vertically, that fixes our broken horizontal relationships. If you want to fix your relationship with your wife you need to get right with God.

Why? Because he fixes our problem of selfishness. Let me illustrate. Each of us has a little score-keeper. A little man (or woman) inside, keeping track of all the times you’ve been nice or generous or given up your thing for your wife’s thing. And eventually, he wants payback. Look at this scorecard you say – you owe me. Unfortunately your wife also has a scorecard – and hers says that YOU owe her! You don’t see all the times when she’s put herself aside for you…
FIGHT! My score is the right score. What have you ever done for me? It’s not FAAAAAAAIR!
Do we ever grow older than three years old actually….?

Now, that’s what happens when you keep score against your wife. But as a Christian we are called to serve Christ and so love our wives. Your scorekeeper has to keep score against Jesus, not your wife. Instead of saying “I’ll do this for you because I love you” say “I’ll do this for you because I love Jesus”. That way when the scorekeeper demands payback – he demands it from Jesus! What have you ever done for me?! Oh right. Eternal salvation, reunited with God, taken all my sins. Sorry about that, I’ll just go right on being unselfish.

Jesus enables me to love my wife like I ought to. He is the key to a happy marriage. Not one filled with selfishness, but with self-sacrificial love.

Think through your relationship. Think where you need to give areas over to Jesus. Where you need to repent of keeping score. And then go to your wife, talk about it, apologise, repent.

Right, now how does all this affect sex? Just a few minutes to end on sex.

4. Good sex is not about technique but relationship

My wife and I have great sex. Nobody can beat our making love. No-one. Why? Because sex is about knowing and honouring the other person. However “skilled” you may be at self-centred sex – you can never come close to the intimacy, the joy, the sheer oneness of even clumsy honeymoon sex. The great thing is: that’s as bad as it gets. Honeymoon sex is the worst sex you’ll have. Because as time goes by you really get to know each other, also sexually. What you like and don’t like, you know the other person’s body, how they respond to certain things. And you’re both safe. You’re in your safe place with your safe person who you can be totally free with. Now that’s great sex. For 15 years we’ve been becoming experts in sexual pleasure, specialising in each other. That’s unbeatable.
No illicit affair, no one-night stand can ever get close to that. It’s like comparing a bag of smelly garbage to a gourmet meal – a perfectly cooked steak. That’s how far apart they are. Don’t be fooled, God is no killjoy, He invented sex. He wants us to enjoy it. But you can’t enjoy it any other way except his way. It just doesn’t work any other way.

We all know about the physical laws in the universe. Like gravity. You throw an apple in the air, an apple will come down again and go splat on the ground. And however much you want the apple to fly up into the air and go on flying upwards… it won’t.
In the same way God has designed moral laws into the universe. And however much you may want sexual pleasure to be found outside of sacrificial, Christ-honouring marriage – it won’t. It may fly for a little while like the apple, but all too soon… splat.

So sex is for marriage. Oh no. That means sex once a month with the lights off. No. If you’re married and you’re not having sex regularly – you need to repent (unless there’s some good medical reason – and then get that sorted out). We are commanded to have sex often.
1 Co 7:3–6 The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. 5 Do not deprive each other of sexual relations.

Sex binds us together, keeps us together. It also helps us sort out issues in our relationship because it’s hard to be intimate and vulnerable if there’s something between you. So regular sex keeps our relationship on track.

How often is often enough? Twice a day? That’s up to each of you, but remember that you are to fulfil the other’s sexual needs. Personally I think less than weekly is far too little. Again, talk together and honour Christ with your sexual relationship. As often as you are physically able. Basically we should be thinking as married couples how can we have more sex.

What can you do as a married couple? Well, that’s pretty much up to you and your imagination. We’re free to enjoy each others bodies sexually with our spouse as long as they are comfortable with it. Talk to your wife. Ask her what she would like to do sexually. Tell her what you would like to do. Try it out. If it works and you enjoy it, great. If one of you thinks NO! Then don’t do it. In other words, be a Christian in the bedroom. Gentle, loving, respectful, God-honouring.

I don’t think anal sex falls into that category as it is physically damaging – our bottoms are not designed for sex and the muscles get torn and damaged with anal sex.
Violence during sex is not appropriate either – is that honouring her in the image of God? Does that make you feel safe? No.
Inviting other people in to join you in sex is not on. This a joining together of a husband and wife into one flesh. There is no room for another person in that one flesh. This also includes sharing sexual or naked pictures or videos of you or your wife with other people. Do not take nude pictures and share them on the internet or with your friends. Remember that both of you belong to God are made in the image of God.

I’m going to end there. Feel free to ask questions afterward. I’ve only scratched the surface of this topic. If you have a personal matter to discuss you can discuss it privately with me. Believe me, I will not be shocked. I’ve been in ministry for a while, grown up in a ministry family, and have heard nearly everything. Rape, abortion, sex with loads of people, adultery, same sex attraction, people who aren’t having sex with their spouse, porn addicts, you get the idea.

Remember that you will not be judged. If you belong to Christ, your sins, past, present and future, are covered by His Grace. And if you don’t belong to Christ, none of that disqualifies you from receiving his grace. Go to Him, and be made new!

So. We are made in the image of God. Later tonight when you get undressed take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror. Look and say “I am made in the image of God.” “I am made in the image of God” and again “I am made in the image of God”. And if you are a Christian say “I belong to God. I am not my own, I belong to Jesus.” Every part of me – include my sexual bits. I belong to God. Father please help me honour you with my body.

If I’m married, have sex regularly. If I’m not married, honour God with my body, and don’t give my God’s image bearer to anyone else.

Colossians 3:16-21 ALL of life: at home.

Colossians 3:12-4:6

How do we “live in community” together? What does a Christian community look like? What does it mean to be a Christian Dad or Mom? Or a Christian child? Or a Christian worker? Or a Christian boss? How do we relate to each other in the church? Our neighbours? Non-Christians? What about people of other faiths? Muslims? Hindus? Bahai? Christians who don’t know Christ (“churchians” or “religionists”)? Outsiders?

Last week we looked at the answer to some of those questions, particularly about relationships in the church: in vv13-15 we see that we are to make allowance for each others’ faults, be quick to forgive, live in peace – it’s pretty clear that the Lord is not fooled by outward appearance! He knows that there will be conflict. He knows that within the church people will upset each other and offend each other and step on each others’ toes. It’s not all fluffy bunnies and ice cream in the church! So instead of pretending that we’ll never sin against each other (ha!) we’re called to work hard at forgiving each other, making allowance for each others’ faults – basically being thick skinned, not getting easily offended, not looking for ways to cause problems – and to live in peace. Above all LOVE each other.

That’s hard. And that’s why we remember that we are in chapter 3, not chapter 1! How does chapter 3 begin? Since you have been raised to new life with Christ. It’s something that happened. The call to obedience in chapter 3 is because of chapter 1 and 2: we have been saved by God’s power, by God’s grace, alone. He is supreme. He holds us. He gives us his power and strength to serve him. Remember 1:11 We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy, always thanking the Father. He enables us to live as Christian people. He gives us his power, his strength to serve him.

And most of all, he gives us his love.

As I said two weeks ago, love can’t be faked. We must be given it by God. Our hard selfish hearts of stone need to be swapped out with hearts of flesh, hearts filled with the love of God. Because, you see, we are called to act like vv12-17 (in fact like ALL of chapter 3), not just for a couple of hours on a Sunday, and maybe the occasional special event where we all dress up nicely and put on our fake smiles, or pitch in for a dugnad and pretend to like it… but all the time.

All. The. Time. Every minute of every day, wherever you are, whatever you are doing: you are to be tender-hearted, full of mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. And so on and so on and so on. The whole chapter!
All the time. Full of love. Full of truth. Full of peace.

“You demand the impossible”, we say to God!
And he replies “now, you’re starting to understand.”
The life of a Christian is impossible…without Christ. Without his Spirit, his power, his heart, we will fall short.

Think about it. Changing nappies – be like Christ. In church – be like Christ. When someone offends you – be like Christ. When your husband or wife wounds you deeply – be like Christ. When your kids are driving you crazy, pushing your buttons and making you MAD – be like Christ. When you’re at work, bored out of your mind – be like Christ.

17 And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.

We’ve looked at our relationships in the church, now Paul briefly turns his attention to our relationships outside the church: wife and husband, children and parents, (both of which we’ll look at today) then slave and master, and outsiders (which we’ll look at next week).

So, how are we to be like Christ at home: in our marriage, with our children and parents?

1. Wives and husbands v18-19

18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly.

What do you feel when you hear v18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord.?
Anger? Approval? Fear? Dismissal?

But this is the word of God, isn’t it? Jesus commissioned his apostles to write his words, to tell people about him and to explain the fullness of his teaching, through his Holy Spirit. Paul was specially commissioned as the Apostle to the Gentiles. Peter speaks of Paul’s letters as Holy Scripture. And what’s written here is certainly not contrary to the created order in Genesis 1 and 2 which Jesus himself quoted as being the very Word of God.

So we cannot just dismiss what we don’t like. So let’s put our initial reaction aside, and examine this more closely.

What’s interesting with this list of wives/husbands, children/parents, slaves/masters is the equality of all. The husband and the wife are to obey the Lord. Masters and slaves are equally addressed, as are parent and children. Those without power (or with less power) (wives, children, slaves) are addressed as equal citizens of heaven, being called to live in a way that pleases the Lord. Those with power (husbands, parents, masters) are reminded that their power is given under God, to be used as HE sees fit: in love, for the good of those under your power. This is no justification for abuse of power – it is the opposite!
It’s very clear that these couplets are to be read together. There is no justification for someone quoting v18 without taking v19 – despite the fact that some have done that in the past to justify their bullying behaviour. Ironically, many “modern” women are doing that today to justify their rejection of God’s word. First of all, who are you to stand in judgement over God? How arrogant! Second of all, why do you not read v19?

In v18 God says, yes, wives, submit. Why? Because it is fitting for those who belong to the Lord. Submission is fitting.
But what is submission? What’s interesting is that the word in the original Greek was not used to describe the marriage relationship in those days. Paul wasn’t just taking something from the old 1^st Century culture and dressing it up a “Christian”. The word for submit here is something uniquely Christian, and has to do with order. We submit because it is the way that God has ordered creation.
The word is also very closely linked to humility. So the mark of a Christian wife is not pride and arrogance, but humility, a glad and willing servant heart. In other words, she is a wife…like Christ.

Likewise the “love” of the husband is not familial love or erotic love but the love of Christ, which is a self-sacrificial love. He is also called not to pride and self-sacrifice, but to deny himself and use his God-given authority for the good of his wife. In other words, he is a husband…like Christ.

Our society is interesting because we have no problem with v19. Of course, we say, husbands should love [their] wives and never treat them harshly. Everybody knows that!
Well, of course everybody knows that because we’ve had the Bible drummed into our heads and affecting our culture for over 1000 years here in Norway. Ask the women in Syria how they are being treated now. Islam gives women very little respect. They are not equal with men. And they are treated as such. The treatment of women in the Islamic world, particularly now under ISIS, is horrific. I was going to share some stories but I decided not to do so, as they were too disturbing.
In Hinduism, women and men are not equal. In traditional African religion the man is the head and the woman his servant, and he is the head for his own good pleasure, not for the good of others.
In feminism the woman is the head, for her own good pleasure. Any thought of serving her husband is ridiculous. It’s all about me, my needs, my wants being met.

Why, then is Christianity so different to every other religion or philosophy? Why the equality of men and women? Why does leadership and headship mean servanthood and selflessness instead of power and glorifying myself?
Because that’s what Jesus is like. Because our relationships are modelled on his.

In the Trinity, the Son lovingly submits (same word) to the Father, and wants to glorify him and magnify his name. The Father loves the Son, and wants to glorify him and magnify his name. There is an order there: the Son submits to the Father, the Father loves the Son. And our marriages are to reflect this. It is joyful voluntary submission, and joyful, servant-hearted headship.

This means, ladies, that if you do not respect your husband, if you are always bossing him about, if you are always pushing for your way to do things, if you are making decisions and controlling everything – you need to repent. You need to apologise to him. You need to say, please, take the lead. I have taken your place.
And husbands, you might need to do the same. Apologise to your wife because you’ve not loved her like you should. You have not taken responsibility for your marriage, for your relationship, for your wife. If you have a bad marriage, it is YOUR responsibility to fix it. It will be painful, it will be hard, it will involve a great deal of confessing sin, and putting yourself, your own interests and desires aside. You will need to spend time with your wife. You will need to talk about feelings, and emotions (!). You will need to listen to her and try to understand her. You will need to confess your sin to her. You will need to read the Bible with her and pray together. You need to watch over her life and show her her sin and help her repent (always easy!) – and listen to her when she points out your sin and repent of your sin (always easy!).

You need to look out for each other, seeking each others’ good, and always pointing each other back to the gospel, back to Christ. We are two sinners, but we will obey the Lord by his grace.
Husband, please lead like Christ. Wife, please submit like Christ. And then as people look at your marriage they will see the gospel pictured. Hey, there’s how Christ loves his church, there’s how the church responds to Christ.

If you want to know more, why not download or read the sermon on Ephesians 5:21-33 “Christ and the church”. And ask those of us with a bit more experience living as a Christian couple “how do you deal with this, or “do you have advice here” and so on. And watch us. And if what we’re doing seems to line up with the Bible, then do that! That’s part of the reason we are in a community together, so that we can show each other how to live. We learn from each other, from those a little further along the road. Oh that’s how to do it. I have learnt a great deal about being a husband and father from two good friends of mine, just by watching them with their wives and children. Seeing Christ at work in people is really helpful.

So, wives, respect your husband’s authority, and husbands, love your wives unselfishly.

2. Children and parents v19-21

20 Children, always obey your parents, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged.

What’s fascinating here is that Paul addresses children directly in his letter. Children? Why bother talking to children? Why give them a motivation for obedience? They must obey or be punished.

But, no, our Lord is the one who rebuked his disciples for treating the children as unworthy of coming to him. Children are people, people made in the image of God. And so they are given responsibility just like everyone else. They are to “obey their parents”.

Note the stronger word now. It is not submit, but obey. They are called to listen and obey. That’s what my Dad used to say to my sister and I “you will listen and you will obey”. How I hated those words. They struck right at the heart of my self-centredness and pride. And oh how those words are what I needed to hear. I’m so glad I had a Dad (and Mom!) who called me to OBEY. Because this “pleases the Lord” says v20.

Why? Because the family relationship reflects God’s relationship with us. He is our Father, and we are to obey him. It is much easier to understand our relationship with him if we’ve had a good earthly father who loved us, cared for us, and called us to obedience.

The modern “kids can raise themselves” philosophy is simply an excuse for laziness and uninvolvement. Kids don’t know what’s best. They are not little adults. Their understanding of the world is limited. They don’t understand the dangers in the world, in other people, and in themselves. Their mind, emotion and wills are immature. They need to be protected, nurtured, cared for. Given a safe environment to grow and be who they were created to be. That’s our job as parents. Not to stifle, not to ignore – but to inspire, guide, lead, show, and love.

That’s why v21 says , do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged.

As parents we have the power to demand obedience from our children – and that for their good, not for our convenience. Our goal is to model Christ to them, and I think that’s part of the reason v21 says specifically fathers rather than parents. It reminds us that the role we are playing is the role of our Heavenly Father, God Himself. God “parents” us out of his deep love, doing what is best for us. He uses his power for our good. We are to do the same, and the greatest good is to point them to God. We show them that they are sinners who need the gospel of grace. We show them that we are sinners who need the gospel of grace. Debby and I make sure that we apologise to our children when we have sinned against them (maybe by losing our tempers, for example!) – and we call our sin, sin. And we say we need Jesus to forgive us. And when they argue and fight and do the things kids do – we call their sin, sin, and don’t make excuses for it but remind them that the Bible says their hearts are corrupt, so of course they will sin – don’t be surprised or despondent about it – but there is hope: God has made a way to be made right, through Jesus. In Christ we can ask for forgiveness and receive it. So we model both the seriousness of sin and the joy of forgiveness.

Children must obey their parents, for it pleases the Lord. It is part of their obedience to him. Fathers, do not discourage the children by aggravating them.
I think there’s another reason Paul says “fathers” here: it is to remind the father that as the head of the home he has the final responsibility for raising his children. It’s his job. He can’t just delegate to his wife and be done with it! He must be involved! Fathers, you model God to your kids – and he is not absent.

Again, if you want to know more or you got any questions – ask! We are a community. We do life together. And you can download the talk on Ephesians 6:1-4 called, simply “Fathers”.

20 Children, always obey your parents, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged.

17 And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.

As Christians we are not free to live how we please. We belong to the Lord. Our lives belong to the Lord. Our relationships belong to the Lord. And so we are to submit to our husband, for this is fitting. We are to love our wives and never treat them harshly. We are to obey our parents, for this pleases the Lord. And we are to parent our children like our Heavenly Father, with love, with deep involvement, and acting for their good, and always sharing the gospel.

Genesis 3: The mirror universe

Genesis 3:1-24

You know when you look at your reflection in a mirror, when you raise your right hand in the mirror your reflection’s left hand is raised. The image is flipped. Left is right. Right is left.

In the beginning God created a perfect world. People have said the Bible is divided into two parts: Genesis 1 and 2 is the first part. The rest of the Bible from Genesis 3 onwards is the second part! And there is a great deal of truth in that. In chapter 3 our universe was turned upside down. Truth was swapped for lies, love for hatred, peace for conflict, Creator for creation, “very good” for pretty bad.

We live in the mirror universe. A reflection of perfection gone wrong. We’ll look at the passage under three points:

1. The Mirror Universe

2. Who’s the Boss? (destroying God’s good order)

3. Did God really say (lies and death)

1. The Mirror Universe

Genesis 3 is the mirror image of Genesis 1 and 2. In the first two chapters we get this glorious picture of a perfect creation: God speaks, his powerful word making things happen. God speaks, and declares things “good” because they are doing what he says. Things are running according to his plan. But when he makes man and woman in his image, in the image of God they (both) are made, he says it is “very good”. Ge 1:27 So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them…. 31 Then God looked over all he had made, and he saw that it was very good!

But we do not live in a world which is “very good” do we? We do not live in a world of perfect relationships, where God walks amongst us, where we are at peace with him and each other. We are in a world where we are excellent at murdering each other, manipulating, abusing, power-plays. This afternoon two of my friends are helping another couple divide up their things. It is a deeply painful, messy, emotional thing. It is awful. Our relationships are a wreck.
And never mind our ruling the world. What a mess we’ve made of that. We pump poisons into the air, into the water, into the soil. The same stuff we need to breathe and eat and drink! Are we completely mad?!

We live in the mirror universe. We’re on the wrong side of the looking glass (looking glass is an old word for “mirror” – a great word!)

Everything is backwards. Did you notice in chapters one and two the good order in creation set up by God. There is

· God, who rules by his word,

· then man, created to rule the world (that means look after, not abuse),

· and woman created to help the man in his task of ruling (equally made in the image of God, but with a different job), both in obedience to God.

· then creation, the animals and plants, obeying the good rule of man and God.

BUT! In Chapter 3 we have the snake (creation) ruling over the woman. The woman obeys the snake. The man then listens to the woman instead of listening to God, and together they try to be like God, defining for themselves what is good and bad (look at verse 6 She saw that the tree was beautiful (lit. “good”) and its fruit looked delicious, and she wanted the wisdom it would give her. Just please please note that the sin of Eve has nothing to do with sex. We’re such a sex-charged society that we see naked and think SEX. Sex wasn’t the problem. Sex (in marriage) is good, says the Bible, very good. In fact, we’re commanded to have sex, and often. Sex was not the proble.m. The problem was SIN. The problem was wanting to be like God. Actually to BE God. Eve wanted to take God’s place.
She wanted, she declared it good – and so she acted. God said it was not good, she declared it good. “I am God”. Nothing has changed, we do the same thing every day.

And she suddenly received the “knowledge of good and evil” – and realised she had just moved from “good” (in line with God’s word) to “evil” (disobedience to God).

Adam and Eve in 2:25 were naked without shame, joyously free. Now in v7 they are naked, defenceless before God. Naked and ashamed. The mirror universe.

There is a play on words in the Hebrew between naked ʿārôm in 2:25 and the next verse where the shrewd ʿārûm serpent is. Another mirror, contrast. Adam and Eve, innocent, free. The serpent, crafty, shrewd. In our world innocence does not survive very long. We have all experienced the hard school of life giving us “knowledge”, sometimes deeply shameful knowledge, as our innocence is snatched away from us. You may be sitting here today with deep shame. You do not have to bear your shame – Christ has borne it for you on the cross. Praise God that through Christ our innocence, at least before God, can be restored. And in eternity, we will be without shame, for Christ has taken our shame.
And if you need help in taking that shame to the cross, naming it “this is what I have done” or “had done to me” we can pray together after the service, and give it to the Lord who bore the stripes on his own body to erase the stripes on your heart. Your innocence can be restored in Christ, and only in Christ. Nothing else helps.

You see, this may be a passage of the Fall of Man, and God’s right judgement – but there is hope, there is life, the story continues. Yes, God bars the way to the tree of life with a flaming sword. But that’s because he himself will go through the looking glass, he will go to the cross, the tree of death, in order to bring us back to the tree of life and smash the mirror universe and restore all things. Praise God! That’s Genesis 3:15 And I will cause hostility between you and the woman, and between your offspring and her offspring. He will strike your head, and you will strike his heel.
Here is the first promise given that one day the serpent, the symbol of evil in this passage – he will be destroyed. His head will be struck by the offspring of the woman. There will one day be born someone who can strike down the serpent. But that strike will be costly, for his heel will be struck by the serpent.

The rest of the Bible is then looking for that serpent-crusher. That is the hope as each child is born: perhaps he can defeat evil. And the promise is added to with Noah and the Ark, with Moses rescuing the people, King David leading his people – but none of them were enough. Until suddenly Jesus arrives, the better Noah, the better Moses, the better King, rescuing the whole world from slavery and defeating evil on the Cross forever. That is our King, our God.

That’s the glimmer of hope. We are not cursed to live in this mirror universe forever. Jesus Christ has opened the way back to the Real World. We can even begin to feel the warmth of the Real Sun, the Real Truth, the Real relationship as His Spirit lives within us and breathes new life. But Oh! The day when we see him face to face, whether we see him coming in the clouds or see him after we pass through death to eternal life. What a day! To see the world reborn, and our King and Saviour. That is what we live for. That is what we were made for. All of us. Let us keep that in mind.

But there’s more of the serpent’s lies that we need to expose and bring to light so that we are not fooled by the mirror image.

2. Who’s the Boss

Now this point continues on from the first (the mirror universe) but I’ve put this on its own because it is a particular problem for us in our society. Because we have swallowed the lies of the serpent.

We either believe that “Men and women are different, but not equal” Traditionally it has been that men are better than women, I think in the last 20 years or so the lie has been that women are better than men.
The other lie is that “Men and women are equal, but not different” – and that’s something we hear all the time: there’s nothing special or unique about a man as opposed to a woman, or a woman as opposed to a man. Just swap them out interchangeably. It is a lie from the mouth of the serpent, and it is destructive, especially to women (which is ironic since it is often so-called women’s interest groups which say it).
By contrast God says “Men and women are different. Men and women are equal.” We are both made in the image of God, but with different roles. God lifts us up and celebrates our differences and our equality. There is honour both for the man and for the woman.

You see we must remember the curse or judgement in v15 where the serpent and the woman are destined to be enemies until the end of time: And I will cause hostility between you and the woman, and between your offspring and her offspring. The voice behind the serpent is revealed later in the Bible to be Satan, an angel created by God who wanted to be like God and tried to overthrow God. He was thrown out of heaven and banished from God’s presence. He is the ruler of this mirror universe, given the reigns by God for a short time in order that sin may be revealed, exposed and dealt with either by repentance and acceptance of Christ, or eternal expulsion (being thrown out) from God’s presence. So Satan is very active trying to destroy and bring down humanity, and he particularly hates women: there is hostility between the serpent and the woman.

And we have seen that. Throughout history women have been abused, mistreated, oppressed, kept down, raped, beaten, starved, ignored. I read an article recently on women’s experiences during war – and it’s awful. Men have used their superior strength to keep the little woman under control. In many societies, even today, beating your wife when she steps out of line is a perfectly acceptable and normal way of behaving.

Men, let me say at this point that if any of you have done this or are doing this stop it right now. It is sinful and wrong and is not Biblical at all. You have believed Satan’s lie that you are more valuable than she is. You’re falling right into the trap of v8 And you (the woman) will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over (oppress) you. Let’s sit together and pray for repentance and ask the Lord to show you how to be the servant leader instead of bully in your house. Bullying can also be done with words. It’s easy. It comes naturally. (The wives can also do it!) If you’re doing it we’re not judging or condemning you – we are all sinners here. But stop it, be the man you were born to be a Real man, not a twisted mirror image!

However, let me also say that if you are disobeying God by not being the leader in your family, taking responsibility for your wife and children, providing for them, feeding and clothing them, loving them, caring for them, teaching them spiritually, praying with them, then repent! This is the second lie. Again, this is an easy trap to fall into since our society tells us that men, husbands, Dads, are not needed. That women are capable.

And women are capable: at being wives and mothers. But women can’t be husbands and fathers! The woman cannot be the man. And it is Satan’s lie that says to women that being a mother and a wife is not valuable, that it’s unimportant, that it’s rubbish or beneath you. And all that counts is working, for money. No, that is a lie. God created you to be a woman. Let us honour womanhood, honour motherhood, honour wives. We love you and honour you.

But let us too honour manhood, and being husbands and fathers. Look at the creation of man and woman. Did you notice that he was created first. Man was given headship over woman, which means he has the responsibility to look after her, like the rest of creation. It is part of his job. Did you notice that he named the woman, just like he named the animals? It’s clear that she’s completely different to the animals – she’s created out of him (bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh), made in the image of God. But she is also under his protection, she is his responsibility.

But in this chapter, the mirror image, we immediately see the man’s failure to be a man: to take responsibility and to care for his wife. Now Adam had obviously told her what God had said about not eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil - look at her answer in v3 “It’s only the fruit from the tree in the middle of the garden that we are not allowed to eat. God said, ‘You must not eat it or even touch it; if you do, you will die” (If you look back at chapter 2 you’ll notice God told Adam before he made Eve. It was Adam’s job to teach Eve the word of God. Still our job guys.) So Adam gets top marks there.

But then he fails to protect her from the serpent, then he listens to her when she’s obviously wrong, then he obeys her command to eat.

Because look at verse 6. Where is the man during this interchange? With her. What was he doing? Picking his nose?!
Adam gave up his responsibility. He was a lazy man – and the world was plunged into darkness. And there are many lazy men in this world. Passive men, “nice” men who say “whatever you want, dear”. Oh it sounds so loving – but it is evil.
The good man will stand up and say no. Adam should have stood up to Eve and said “no”. A good man would have grabbed the snake and flung it out of the garden saying “you stay away from my wife”. But Adam was not good – he was “nice” and meek and mild, and because hey, I didn’t do it, I didn’t disobey God – she did… it’s her fault. Look at the nice man Adam and his excuse in v12 The man replied, “It was the woman you gave me who gave me the fruit, and I ate it.” Not my fault. It’s hers, and yours. I was just being nice. Didn’t want to rock the boat, destroy the peace.

We are cursed with “nice” men.

I remember teaching a Bible study on Ephesians to a very mixed group of men – and we got to chapter 5 the passage about marriage. Some guys had very traditional African thinking: the man is the boss, his family exists to serve him. Others were very Western, modern, the woman is the boss, I do what she says. Passive. “Nice”. Both were blown away by the Bible’s teaching: Husbands are to be SERVANT LEADERS. Both. Like Christ.
One guy from Angola told me that changed his life. He went home that night and apologised to his wife. He realised that he is the head of the home for the benefit of his family, so he can lead them well – not so he can lord it over them. A highly educated guy from Tanzania was deeply challenged in how passive he had been in his family. Went home, apologised to his wife for his what he realised was laziness.

The Bible cuts right across both these lies of Satan. Be servant leaders, men, like Jesus. Not like Adam.

3. Lies and death

Because we live in the mirror universe which is full of the lies of Satan. The lies sound so wise, so loving. And it always begins like this “Did God really say”. Notice that in v1. And he lies about what God says. Did God really say you must not eat the fruit from any of the trees in the garden?

What did God actually say? You may eat from ANY of the trees – just not that one, because it’s bad for you. It was a good command. Satan twists it to sound like a bad one. And oh how we fall for his lies.

Marriage is bad. Sex outside of marriage is good. Porn is good, it’s harmless. Money will make you happy. A new girlfriend will make you happy – drop the other one. The problem is with everyone else, not with you, you don’t need to change. God’s a killjoy. Christianity is booooring. Have your fun now, come to God later (you never will). Iæm sure you can think of more. What Satanic lies are tempting you now? Name them, and repent. They are lies, damned lies. (Yes, damned in the proper use of the word as in leading to Hell).

Satan lied to the woman 4 “You won’t die!” the serpent replied to the woman. 5 “God knows that your eyes will be opened as soon as you eat it, and you will be like God, knowing both good and evil.”

Well, they did die. Death entered the world and they were barred from the tree of life. And he told a bit of the truth, as always does: the man and the woman did indeed become “like God” as soon as they ate of the fruit. But the horrible irony, the awful lie, was that they were already “like God” because they had been created in his image (1:26). They threw away everything for something they had already been given.

And we fall time and again for the same trick. That’s why thankfulness is such a powerful antidote (medicine that works against poison). When we thank God for what we DO have, we’re much less likely to fall for Satan’s lies. But when we fill our minds with discontent, when we, like Eve, forget all the trees we do have, including the tree of life, and focus on the one we don’t, and allow ourselves to be tempted into thinking that it’s beautiful. Oh it wasn’t beautiful. They were naked, ashamed, at war with each other, and thrown out of paradise. What a cost.

As I said, two people we know are going through a divorce now. It’s not beautiful. It’s horrible, and painful. How much better to have climbed down from you pride and arrogance and said sorry and worked hard at your relationship instead of letting it go to pieces. Trust God, his word does not lie. Oh, it may be hard, very hard, but it is the truth. It is life. Anything else is a lie.

We live in the mirror universe at war. Satan is at war with us, and us with him. He seeks to destroy us. Work is hard. The ground is cursed. 17 And to the man he said, “Since you listened to your wife and ate from the tree whose fruit I commanded you not to eat, the ground is cursed because of you. All your life you will struggle to scratch a living from it. 18 It will grow thorns and thistles for you, though you will eat of its grains.

Childbirth is pain .” 16 Then he said to the woman, “I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, and in pain you will give birth. And our marriage relationships are a battleground And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.”

Death is in the world 19 By the sweat of your brow will you have food to eat until you return to the ground from which you were made. For you were made from dust, and to dust you will return.”

We live in the mirror universe, under judgement.

But there is hope. Remember 3:15 a serpent-crusher will come! And look at v21 And the LORD God made clothing from animal skins for Adam and his wife – God makes clothes, not out of plants, but animal skins. And there is just a hint here of the sacrificial system, where blood is shed in order to cover the sins of the people. The animals died to cover Adam and Eve’s shame – pointing ultimately to Christ who covers our shame.

There is much more to say, if you’ve got questions we’ll have an opportunity for you to ask in a moment. But now let’s focus our attention on the great rescue act where Jesus on the cross opened the way back to Paradise, for all those who take refuge in him. Let’s celebrate Communion together.

Ephesians 6:10-20 God’s warriors

Ephesians 6:10-20

Did you know that you are in a battle? Did you know that your home, your workplace, even church – is a warzone?

Some of you have experienced that – you’ve lived through the terror of your home being bombed and war coming to your village. Some of you have been soldiers in battle. You know what it is like.

Today’s passage tells us that we are in a spiritual war – and that we need to be ready. No soldier goes out to battle in his underwear with no weapon in his hand! But many of us do exactly that. Any Christians are wondering around in their spiritual underwear, facing a fearsome enemy armed with… nothing. Dear friends, don’t do that. Be ready. Stand firm. Put on the armour of God. Pick up the sword of the Spirit. Pray.

Now many people go off on all sorts of tangents with today’s passage, all sorts of weird theories and ideas, detailed explanation of the spirit world and different demons and casting out this and casting out that – but that’s got nothing to do with today’s passage. You see, Ephesians 6 is EPHESIANS CHAPTER 6. This is not a little article about spiritual warfare that Paul thought would be pretty cool to include at the end. No. This is why context is so important. Reading what comes before the text we are reading. This is a final reminder, a final summary of all that we have learned.

This is how we “imitate God” that is, obey Christ in everything. This is how we love our wives like Christ, and obey our parents and treat our employees like people instead of “resources” and keep going to church and keep loving the people there even though sometimes you really don’t feel like it. Put on the armour of God. Stand firm in his strength. Fight the fight of faith wherever you are.

The battle is not visible, but invisible, the enemy is not physical, but spiritual, our weapons are not swords and armour but the Bible, prayer, and obedience to God – and our battleground is not “out there” but right here, first in our minds, how we think, what we determine to do: and then how those thoughts become actions in our homes, in the workplace, in the church. Those are our spiritual battlegrounds.

This is how we can live like a Christian: 10 Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.

1. Be strong in the Lord

2. Put on Christ

3. Pray

1. Be strong in the Lord

How do we live an impossible life? 10 A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.

Remember as we read “imitate God” in chapter 5 and saw all the list of requirements in chapters 4 and 5 – remember what we saw sprinkled about in all these verses? The gospel. The reminder to 4:23 Let the Spirit renew you, put on your new nature. 4:30 The Holy Spirit guarantees you will be saved. 4:32 Christ forgave you 5:2 He love[s] us. 5:8 You were full of darkness, but now light – and that light produces what is good and right and true.

We can live as Christian people, not just good people, Christian people, only in the strength of the Risen Lord. Oh, we can imitate the good life. Some people are very good at that. Some people couldn’t care less about God yet live wonderful lives, are generous and kind and work hard and have, at least on the surface, good family relations. It’s just like when Moses threw his staff down and it became a snake by the power of God – and then the Egyptian magicians did the same thing. Oh, yes, they could imitate the real thing.

But we know that things soon escalated beyond their power to imitate. God slowly revealed his mighty power through Moses, and they could not match him. And that was just a small, tiny little show of power by the God who spoke all of creation into being with a word. And at a word from him, it will all crumble to nothing. He is mighty.

We are not called to live just good lives – we are called to live Christian lives. We are not called to be just good husbands. We are called to lay down our lives for our wives. Even if she sucks. She can be a nagging, moaning, manipulative shrew – love her like Christ loved the church. Give all of yourself to her. Listen to her. Love her. Make love to her. (Infrequent sex in marriage is a big warning sign that things aren’t how they should be. 1 Corinthians tells us the only excuse for not having sex is because you’re spending the time in prayer instead!) Know your relationship. Know your wife. Teach her the Bible. Pray for her. And don’t aim for her happiness, but her godliness. This is not Bible-bashing, but a consistent, loving guidance towards Christ. A reminder that we are both sinners, under grace. Being quick to forgive, patient, ready to share even your emotions with her. It’s knowing what she needs and giving that, especially when it costs. Be like Christ in your marriage.

We are called not to be just good fathers, but Christian fathers. To raise our children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. That means spending time with them, knowing them, knowing their deep struggles and shining the light of God’s grace on their struggles. I shared last week how Kristin, like me, like you, struggles with anger when she can’t get her own way. The root cause of that anger is that we want to be like God, doing whatever we want, whenever we want. And when someone tells us “no” – we’re reminded we’re not God, and so we get angry. There the gospel comes in – dear daughter, you are not angry because of <the thing that happened> but because of what’s in your heart. Sin. And the only solution is the gospel of grace. Dear daughter, have no fear to confess your sin. Don’t hide it, but confess it to the Lord for he loves you. Your sin is paid for. I, your father, love you. And her face lights up like the morning sun, joy fills her face, and we hug and hug, so happy to be forgiven sinners. (And Kristin has a real grasp of the gospel – really understands the reality of sin, and the great joy of being forgiven in Christ. (I love her so much – she’s a great delight to me. J ) )

Or in business where we are called to be not just good businessmen, but Christian businessmen, where we may turn down a good deal, even go bankrupt, rather than lie, or exploit someone else.

Or perhaps even to give up our life rather than deny Christ. Or give up our business, or be thrown out of our homes, or be social outcasts. The times are changing in the West. Are we ready to give up everything for Christ? To stand united to Christ, united to our borthers and sisters, united to the gospel message – no matter the cost?

The standard is impossibly high.

Only by his mighty power. Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Because it is first a spiritual battle that we fight. 11 Put on all of God’s armour so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. The devil wants us just to be “good” – not push through to be Christian. The devil wants us to take this easy path, the path of least resistance. To give in to sin. Oh, pornography is not too dangerous, just a bit of fun. Oh, it’s just a little lie. Oh my kids will be fine, the school is doing a good job bringing them up. Oh, I don’t really need to tell my wife I love her, she knows. Fill in your own excuse that you find yourself saying.

No, brothers and sisters, don’t sit there in your spiritual underwear, put on the armour of God, because we are in a battle, not against Muslims, or political parties, or corporations, or even individual people who we know are opposed to the gospel. They are not the enemy.

12 For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.

It is a spiritual battle which we fight. A spiritual battle which we cannot win, cannot even fight, unless we put on the armour of God, which is Christ. To live your life with Jesus – that is to put on the armour of God. Every moment, in Him, united to Him, speaking for his glory, acting to please him, serving, serving, serving, because he is our master our Lord, our Saviour, and we love him.

2. Put on Christ

Now why have I said “put on Christ” when the passage says put on the armour of God? Ah, if you knew your Old Testament, it would be very clear! Like if I said “use the Force Luke” – most of you would know I was quoting from Star Wars. Likewise, when Paul says put on the belt of truth and the body armour of God’s righteousness we should say “Oh, he’s quoting from Isaiah”.
But lest you think I boast, let me confess that this was new to me, despite the fact that I had just read Isaiah! Memory like a sieve. My Mom had a teacher once who used to read the Bible. Not that amazing – until she tells that he was blind, and had memorised the entire Bible. That’s how well we should know the Bible!

13 Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armour so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. 14 Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armour of God’s righteousness. 15 For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. 16 In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. 17 Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

The belt of truth and body armour of God’s righteousness: that’s a quote from Isaiah 11 – you know the chapter which begins “out of the stump of Jesse will grow a shoot” – the first massive promise in Isaiah of the coming King. And this King who will rescue his people, shake the earth in his judgement, and make a new heavens and new earth where the lion will lay down with the lamb – he wears righteousness like a belt and truth like an undergarment.
In Isaiah 59:17, a chapter talking about the sinful evil of mankind – says that God will come to judge and to save. 18 He will repay his enemies for their evil deeds – but 20 The Redeemer will come to Jerusalem to buy back those in Israel who have turned from their sins. And this Redeemer 17 put on righteousness as his body armour and placed the helmet of salvation on his head.

The armour Paul describes is the armour of Christ. It is what He wears. So take off your dirty rags of sin and rebellion against God, and put on the shining clothes of the Son.

Like those stories where the beggar turns out to be the prince or princess. Like “Reisen til Julestjerne” where Sonja the poor forest girl turns out to be the long-lost Princess, and suddenly we see her dressed as the princess, in all her glory, the crown upon her head, beautiful. That’s us! Take off the old, put on the beauty of Christ.

But it is not just fine clothes, shining clothes: it is armour. For we are in a battle. It is practical. We are to stand firm. Put on your belt, your helmet, your breastplate (body armour), your shoes. Pick up your shield and sword. And do not be moved from the gospel.

Note that we are not called to “storm the gates of Hell” or any such thing – Christ has already done that, already won the war. We are called simply to stand firm. Don’t be moved away from Christ. Trust him in every situation, in every circumstance. At work, tell the truth. At home, be righteous. At school, be at peace, knowing the Gospel truth that God has made you alive in Christ, and nothing can change that – you belong to him. On the internet, have faith. With your children, trust your salvation. Put on Christ in everything you do. You are God’s warrior. And you fight with truth, righteousness, faith, salvation – and the word of God.

One last point – the only offensive (attacking) weapon we have is the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Most of us don’t know the Bible well enough, so our weapons are short and blunt – like going into battle with a butter knife. Know the Word! Read your Bible every day, come to church, come to the Bible study, memorise verses, read the Bible at lunch, on the loo, listen to the Bible, listen to sermons in the car on the way to work – use every opportunity to fill your mind with the Spirit’s words that you may be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Our minds must be filled with God’s thoughts so we see life through his eyes, see people through his eyes – otherwise our own sinful nature will ruin things.

Put on Christ, in everything you do.

3. Pray

The final piece of our armour is arguably the most important: prayer.

18 Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.

It’s like the soldier on the battlefield calling for reinforcements, calling for provisions, weapons, air support – calling back to HQ (headquarters) “we need help”.

Prayer is an integral part of the Christian life. It is a constant attitude of dependence on God. Note how often we are commanded to pray “at all times and on every occasion”. In fact, it’s even stronger in the Greek “praying at all times in the Spirit” – and the word “pray” or “plead” is mentioned 4 times in this one verse! Bible writers didn’t have bold or underline in the way they wrote – so they would repeat things that were important. Paul says “PRAY!”

But how do we pray all the time? Do we go around muttering under our breath, like absent-minded professors. Is it some kind of mindless continuous chatter – a stream of consciousness going up to heaven?

Firstly, what is prayer? Prayer is talking to God. But why do we pray? We pray not to give God information – he knows everything! We pray to remind ourselves that we are not God, that he is God, and that we are dependent on him. Prayer is a declaration of dependence on God. That is why we find it hard. Our sinful hearts are always trying to convince us we’re God. Hard to pretend you’re God, the boss of your life, when you’re talking to your real boss. That’s why we find prayer hard – it’s a spiritual problem, a spiritual battle.

So praying in the Spirit at all times is living with an attitude of dependence on God. No matter the situation, your first instinct is to pray, to give the situation over to God. Pray in the Spirit.

Secondly, we will fail to do this! There is only one person who perfectly lived this verse out in practice, who prayed perfectly in every situation, in all times and on every occasion – and who still does plead before the throne of God for all believers everywhere: Jesus Christ our Lord. God the Son pleads on our behalf to God the Father. God the Son prays perfectly every time – so put on Christ, the armour of God, also in your prayer life. You are covered by his grace.

Thirdly, we pray in the Spirit. It is not long prayers, or powerful prayers, or complicated prayers, or even loud prayers that count. It is Spiritual prayers. Pray your stumbling, badly-worded, confused, messy prayers – knowing that the Spirit hears our prayers, and takes them before the throne of God as sanctified (that means “made holy”) prayers, and that he hears our prayers because they are prayed in Christ. So pray with confidence, weak and feeble Christian, for the Holy Spirit of God is in you!

And what is the overriding theme of our prayers for ourselves and for our fellow believers? 19 And pray for me, too. Ask God to give me the right words so I can boldly explain God’s mysterious plan that the Good News is for Jews and Gentiles alike. 20 I am in chains now, still preaching this message as God’s ambassador. So pray that I will keep on speaking boldly for him, as I should.

Let us pray that we would declare the gospel of Jesus Christ in everything we do, speaking boldly for him as we should: in every action, every word, every thought, declaring the glory and beauty and grace and power of our God. Amen!

Our fight is not against flesh and blood. Our fight, our battleground is in the home, in the workplace, in the church. So dear friends, let us throw off our sinful way of living, and put on the shining armour of Christ, being like him wherever we are, and pray to him at all times, in every situation: I am yours, I live for you.

Ephesians 5:21-33 Christ and the church

Ephesians 5:21-33

Ah Ephesians 5:21-33: widely quoted, widely taught, most often out of context, and most often twisted to fit the teacher’s opinion – rather than let our opinions be straightened out by God’s Word!

So, let me remind you of the context – where are we in the letter to the Ephesians, and what comes just before these verses.

Where we are is in the “describing what a Christian life looks like” part of the book. We have been saved from darkness and brought into the light. We were dead, but now we are alive.
But we don’t know how to not be dead, and left to our own devices we’d keep living the way we always have – as spiritually dead people. So God in his mercy tells us how to live as LIVING people. Stop lying, but tell the truth. Stop sinning sexually, but be pure. Stop breaking people down with your words but build them up. Stop stealing but work hard. Stop living like a drunkard, stumbling through life with no plan, no purpose, but instead be filled with the Spirit, the wisdom and knowledge of God, and live like the wise man, making the most of every opportunity.
Live intentionally, examining your life carefully to see where you are out of step with God’s spirit, where you need to repent and give it over to God.

It’s living faith. Oops, I’ve been living like I was dead in this area, I have not trusted your word here, I repent and give it over to you.

Nowhere is this more apparent with marriage. We all have our own ideas about marriage, indeed whether marriage is even a good thing or not, and certainly about what makes it work. And the words of v22 “wives, submit to your husbands” is so grossly counter culture, sounds so harsh and backwards to our ears, that we are probably tempted to dismiss it as rubbish, or as some form of foolish thinking by Paul, the apostle, stuck in his 1^st century ways.

But, if we belong to Christ, we can’t just dismiss his word because we don’t like it. In fact, it’s often those areas where his Living Word is so difficult to accept – it’s those areas that are most important that we grapple to understand, and that we submit to.

We can’t very well call Jesus our “Lord” if we only obey him when he agrees with us. He is our Lord, our Master, we obey his words even when they are hard, even when we don’t understand them, because we trust him. That is faith. That is being in a loving relationship. Obedience is the evidence of faith.

So let us resolve to put aside our initial reaction and allow God to speak to us through his Word first, before we decide how we will respond.

Because this passage is not primarily about women submitting to their husbands – or indeed men loving their wives even to the point of dying for them. It’s not even primarily about marriage!

It is firstly about Christ and the church. So that’s what we’ll look at first. Then we’ll look at the calling to husbands, and finally the calling to wives.

1. Christ and the church

It’s all over the place in this passage, did you notice?

V21 submit…because you revere Christ. He is our motivation!

V22 submit…as to the Lord. V23 Christ is the head of the church. He is the Saviour of his body, the church. V25 love… like Christ loved the church. He gave his life up for her to make her holy. v29 just as Christ cares for the church. And finally, v32 really poorly translated in the NLT This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one – actually says This is a great mystery, and it is about Christ and the church. That is, the mystery of marriage is not marriage – but Christ and the church. Marriage is the shadow, Christ and His Church is the reality. Marriage will pass away, but we will forever be united in Christ, being perfectly known, perfectly knowing him and each other, and perfectly loved.

Isn’t that what marriage strives towards? That perfect love, perfect acceptance. Deep, true intimacy. To be deeply known by another – and loved, accepted. That is the new Creation. That is what we are NOW in Christ. He knows us perfectly, yet still loves us. We now know him in part, and soon will know him fully. A good marriage is a glimpse towards that perfect Reality.

What do we learn about our relationship with God through this passage? We are the church, the wife. He is Christ, the husband.

So how does Christ, the perfect husband, love his wife, the church? (By the way, guys, if you’re offended by being part of the “wife” – don’t be. It’s a great blessing. And anyway, the ladies have had to put up with being called sons!)

Christ, the perfect husband. V23 He is the Saviour of his body, the church. He saves us by v25 He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. 27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault.

Christ is our Saviour. To belong to Christ is to be loved with an indestructible love. To belong to Christ is to BE holy and clean, washed by his word (like we’re doing now). We are being made holy, made clean through the power of his word, a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Indeed, we WILL be holy and without fault.

It’s guaranteed. That’s our destiny. Holy. Faultless. Perfect. Remember that’s what we need to be to get into the kingdom of God: perfect. Only perfect people allowed in the Kingdom. And by being married with Christ, we get his perfection.

It’s like the Royal Wedding: Kate Middleton was a commoner, but when she married Prince William she got his titles. She is now a princess, a duchess, royalty by marriage. They are one.
Or like when Debby and I got married: I brought in a study loan, Debby brought in a car! She shared in my debts, and I shared in her wealth. We were one. She took on my debt – I received her car.
Like us with Christ, he takes upon himself our sins, and we receive his perfection.
Christianity, at its heart is a Marriage, the King who married the poor homeless girl. Actually, no, it’s better than that – he is the King who marries the rebel, the girl who spat in his face and screams “I hate you” when he comes near, the girl who scrabbled in the dirt, who gave her body to everyone and anyone who came by. This prostitute, this rebel, this unlovable wretch – she’s the one he came for, washed clean with his blood. Redeemed. That’s what we are.

We are united into one new body. So close is our intimacy with Christ that we can be described as one new man, one person, one body (earlier in Ephesians) or here in 30 And we are members of his body. 31 As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”

His body. And so he cares for us, as his body. 29 No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. Never doubt the love of Christ! If you belong to him, then you are part of his body. And he cannot help but look after his body, and that includes you! Just like you feed, clothe, wash, care for your body, you are compelled to do it, so he looks after and cares for us. We are his body.

How does the church, as the wife of Christ, relate to her husband? She submits to him. She puts his desires before her own. That’s what we do if we are to be the perfect church. A church in rebellion and disobedience to God’s word is not a great church! The evidence is unfortunately all around us: churches that have drifted from the word of God, refusing to obey Christ – and the result is disaster!

24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. Everything. It is a whole-hearted obedience. We hold nothing back. And why should we? He loves us, died for us and knows what is best for us (including in marriage). So let us submit to him in EVERYTHING!

Christ is our perfect husband, who loves enough to give up his own life for us, He cares for us, nurtures us, loves us. And we are the church, his bride, his wife, joyfully submitting to his wise care for us, his leadership, our eyes shining with love and joy when we hear his voice, and we run to him saying “I am yours, all of me, you have me completely, do with me as you will”.

Right, that’s the ideal, that’s what our marriages are supposed to reflect, supposed to advertise to the world! So let’s look now at the role of the husband, and the role of the wife.

2. Husbands

Be Christ to your wives. Put yourself aside, your own selfish ambitions, and serve her.

This means caring for her the way you care for yourself, your own body, just as Christ cares for the church (v29). In fact, caring for your wife IS caring for yourself. 28 For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. When you are married you are joined together as one, one flesh, one new person. To look after your wife is like looking after your leg, your arm, your heart. She is part of you.

But what does “care for you wife” actually mean? Note what the GOAL of the perfect husband is. It is not to make the wife happy! 25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. 27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault.

What is the goal of the Christian husband? To see holiness in his wife. Her holiness, her godliness, her relationship with the Lord Jesus – that is the goal of the Christian husband. Mind-shift, eh?

Have you ever thought that that is your goal? We’ll see next Sunday that it’s the SAME goal with raising children. Because at the end of the day nothing else matters as much as knowing Christ. He is the be all and end all of life. In Him is found all wisdom and understanding, all light and love and happiness, in Him is found every spiritual blessing.

So resolve to aim for godliness, not happiness in your marriage – and you will find that godliness is the pathway to happiness. Whereas aiming for happiness will mean that you miss both. Trying to make her happy will just end up giving in to whatever she wants. And for sinners like us getting what we want all the time does not make us happy and fulfilled, but makes us greedy and discontented!

So, husbands, this does mean that sometimes you will say “no” because you care more for her godliness than momentary happiness. You will gently reveal sin in her life – after all you know her deeply and can see where she needs to repent. You will pray for her regularly, pleading with the Lord for her. You will read the Bible with her, teaching her the words of truth – not because you’re necessarily a gifted Bible teacher (and she might be better!) but because it is your responsibility to cleanse your wife with the Word (v26).

You might want to take some time after the service to apologise to your wife for areas you have failed to be a husband like Christ, where you have made it difficult for her to submit to your leadership – or where you have not been leading, but been lazy, shirking your responsibilities. And pray together for the power of Christ within you to enable you to be more and more a Christian husband. Because to be a Christian husband is impossible without the Holy Spirit!

By the way, servant leadership is never harsh, never cruel. It does not belittle, or crush. It is not violent or angry. It may be firm, it sometimes may infuriate your wife, you may clash – but Christ is a servant leader, deep love and compassion underlies everything he does. You be the same.

The picture I have in my mind of being a husband is caring for a beautiful delicate flower. To water her, to nurture, to occasionally clip a piece off – but always support her striving for the light, letting her bloom, reveal more and more of the glorious flower that she is.

3. Wives

Be the church to your husbands. Submit to him in everything. Respect him.

24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. Now this does NOT say “submit to him when you agree with his decision”. It does not say “submit, when he’s loving like he should”. It says “submit”. You think that’s hard? Well, how about being called to love your wife, to die to self for her – also unqualified. Also not “if she submits” “if she respects” but love her when she nags you, love her when she’s bitter, love her when she cuts you down, love her when she’s bossy and takes over everything and shuts you out of your own family. Love her, and stop her doing those things (eventually). It’s hard being a husband, and it’s hard being a wife. Being married to a sinner is going to be difficult!

So submit, in everything. That doesn’t mean be a silent doormat, but it does mean that you know AND he knows that he has the responsibility of leading the family and that you support him in that. This is especially important for those with non-Christian husbands. You are still to honour and respect him. In fact 1 Peter 3 says that you will win him over with your submission. Why? Because it is so completely against the way of the world. IN our selfish natures we fight for our rights. But suddenly there you are supporting him. Loving him. Honouring him. Making him feel special, respected, like the king in his home. What a witness of living for Christ!

Ladies, trust the word of Christ. Honouring your husband as your husband, honouring his position as head of the family, and letting him lead. It really works. It is the way God has designed us. So trust his word. Trust yourself to him. And if your husband is making a real hash of things – don’t nag or manipulate or sulk, make things difficult – pray. Pray to his head, the Lord Jesus, and ask Him to change things. And that goes for non-Christian husbands too – Christ has all authority in heaven and on earth, and has authority over your home too. So pray to Him, and trust your First Husband to look after you. Do not be afraid – he is with you.

Again, you might want to take some time after the service to talk with your husband, apologise for areas where you have tried to take control from him, where you have made him feel useless or unwanted, disrespected. And pray together for the power of God to enable you to lovingly and joyfully submit to your husband. Because that is impossible, and only the Holy Spirit can enable you to be a Christian wife!

In conclusion

32 [Marriage] is a great mystery, and it is about Christ and the church

Dear friends, our relationships should reflect Christ: with our wives, our children, at work. And especially marriage: marriage is designed to reflect the relationship Christ has with his church. Our marriage is an advert for Christ’s love and the church’s loving submission.

What message does your marriage teach? Do people see Christ willing to give up everything – to become nothing, to die, even to die a criminal’s death on the cross – love so deep it will bear any cost in order to save his people – do people see that in the way you treat your wife? Love your wife?

Do people see the church with a joyful submission, a servant heart, a willingness to do anything for the glory of Christ – a heart that moves swiftly to obey, swiftly to serve, to give, to honour, to build up, to praise – do people see that in the way you treat your husband? Respect him, honour him, follow his lead, even when it’s difficult, even when you think he’s wrong.

Isn’t this a noble calling? We show Christ and the church. Us! God has entrusted us with advertising his love for us. And he has empowered us by his Spirit, so that we CAN do this.

What a joy! What a privilege! Everything we do, everything we are, is for his glory. Even our marriage echoes into eternity. Praise God.