Mark 10:13-34 With God, all things are possible – even salvation!

Mark 10:13-34

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How do we get eternal life? How do we get in the right with God? How can we live forever, in paradise? Is there something that I can do now which will guarantee a glorious future, a future of hope and light and power and LIFE?

Good questions. Important questions. And questions with a surprising answer.

You could not get two more different people being compared in this chapter. The rich man – powerful, self-reliant, wealthy, successful, top of society – and the young children brought to Jesus – no power, no status, needing to be fed and clothed and taken places, no power – the disciples shoo them away, and, in those days, the bottom of society.
One comes to Jesus offering Jesus everything. He’s moral, upright, law-abiding, rich, skilled, a man of men. But he goes away sad. Because he will not bow the knee to Jesus.
The child comes offering nothing. And he is blessed by Jesus, taken up in his arms.

Chapter 8 to 16 of Mark is Jesus’ training session with his disciples, teaching them what this new kingdom of God looks like, the kingdom that Jesus is now establishing. And how they are to behave as his people, particularly as leaders. And it is shockingly hard. The standard of holiness is God. The requirement is perfection. Leadership is service. Greatness is humility. And we are to bring… nothing. We must be like little children, just receive and accept whatever God gives us

Tonight:

Only children can be saved

Good people can’t be saved

Only Jesus can save

1. Only “children” can be saved

13 One day some parents brought their children to Jesus so he could touch and bless them. But the disciples scolded the parents for bothering him. 14 When Jesus saw what was happening, he was angry with his disciples. He said to them, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children. 15 I tell you the truth, anyone who doesn’t receive the Kingdom of God like a child will never enter it.” 16 Then he took the children in his arms and placed his hands on their heads and blessed them.

We’ve seen so far that Christian leaders lead by serving, not ordering people around. The disciples still hadn’t learnt this lesson – they were shooing the kids away.
Christian leaders see all people equally – no-one is excluded from the kingdom. The disciples hadn’t learnt that lesson either.
Christians guard their lives carefully, striving to obey Jesus, so as not to lead others astray. We’ll see the disciples did not guard their lives and so fell away from Jesus when they should have stood by him.
Christians pray “help me in my unbelief”, dependant on Jesus instead of arrogant self-sufficiency like the Pharisees. What were the disciples arguing about a few weeks back: who’s the greatest! (9:34)
But the most important lesson is this: Christians and Christian leaders depend on grace, grace alone, for their relationship with God. Because we will fail and fall, just like the disciples. And yet God will keep forgiving us, keep persevering (keeping on) with us, just like Jesus with his disciples.

Jesus teaches with a visual demonstration that brings home that message. We live by grace – God’s undeserved favour. It’s a gift. WE bring nothing. We are like children. Independence and self-righteousness, depending on your own goodness for salvation, like the rich young ruler, doesn’t cut it. Dependence, helplessness, simple trust, faith, like a child – these are the marks of a Christian.

This passage is not about children, but about Christians! If you doubt that, have a look at verse 24, what Jesus calls his disciples: 24 This amazed them. But Jesus said again, “Dear children, it is very hard to enter the Kingdom of God

It is not about children being innocent. Much rubbish has been spoken about these verses by people ripping them out of context, and ignore the rest of the Bible’s teaching on sin. They say “Children are innocent”. Jesus addressed that nonsense back in chapter 7: sin comes from our hearts, inside, not from outside influences. We’re born with it. It doesn’t enter us at age 12.

Anyone with children will know they are not innocent. The Bible tells us time and time again that we are born sinful, born as rebels against God, because we inherit that state from our parents, all the way back to Adam. We are born wanting to be God, independent, determining our own path, deciding for ourselves what is right and what is wrong.

This idea that children are innocent has had tragic consequences: people have stopped telling the gospel to children. Parents aren’t raising their children in the light of the gospel. Children, like adults, need to be told to repent of their sins and accept Christ. Because without Christ no-one gets to heaven, no matter what age you are. It is unbiblical nonsense to believe that because Jesus accepts the little children and blesses them, then if you’re under the age of 12 you go to heaven. If that was the case, the most loving thing we could do is kill every child under the age of 12 to make sure they go to heaven! Jesus was teaching the disciples to take the message of the Gospel to everyone, even children – not telling them that children are innocent, no need to bother with them, and if they die, hey no problem!

I mean, how would you even raise children without the gospel? Because kids understand sin and grace much better than we adults do. They struggle continually with their sinful behaviour – they’re not so sophisticated at hiding their sin and justifying themselves. They’re not so good at lying to themselves and pulling the wool over their own eyes! They know their own sin. And then we say they’re innocent, good. It is a lie. And they know it’s a lie because they know themselves. It is a lie with no hope. And so they reject Jesus, believing him to be a fool. Please, keep telling children the gospel! Do not be like the disciples, hindering the children from coming to Jesus. For Jesus will terrify you in his anger: it would be better for [you] if a great millstone were hung around [your] neck and [you] were thrown into the sea.

Tell them the truth. Call sin sin. Show that their behaviour reveals the rebellion in their heart. Help them understand their desires to control, to boss people around, to do what they want, their anger when they can’t be God in people’s lives. Help them know themselves. They need the truth as much as adults do. And then please offer them the wonderful news of the gospel – Jesus has dealt with their problem of sin.

I can tell you story after story of times I have sat with my kids, tears streaming down their face, as they cry and cry about their inability to stop being naughty, to stop sinning. “I don’t want to be like this”. They know! They know the pain of sin. What a horrible father I would be if I lied to them then and said “no, no, you’re good, you’re innocent”. That’s horrible because it’s saying to them “try harder, do better”. You’re failing because you’re not good enough. That’s religion. That’s moralism. And that cannot save. Instead I tell them that their heart is bent, that deep down they hate God, just like me, and that leaks out all over the place – but that Jesus has come to deal with that problem, that he forgives them, that he can wash away their sin and mine, that he loves them, and can hold them in his arms and bless them. And there is the power of eternal life!

We are to be like children, not innocent, but dependant, coming to Jesus with empty hands, coming as we are. Because 15 I tell you the truth, anyone who doesn’t receive the Kingdom of God like a child will never enter it.”

How do you see yourself before God? Do you come to him as a good father, expectantly? Or do you see him as a harsh judge, someone to manipulate or placate with your good works? Does your relationship with him go up and down depending on your performance, how “good” you’ve been today?
No. If you are a Christian, then you are a child of God. That is who you are. And that never changes.

Only children can be saved.

2. Good people can’t be saved

20 “Teacher,” the man replied, “I’ve obeyed all these commandments since I was young.” 21 Looking at the man, Jesus felt genuine love for him. “There is still one thing you haven’t done,” he told him. “Go and sell all your possessions and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” 22 At this the man’s face fell, and he went away sad, for he had many possessions. 23 Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, “How hard it is for the rich to enter the Kingdom of God!”

From the bottom of society, the helpless, dependent children, to the rich man, the pinnacle of society. He has power. He has money. He’s a mover and a shaker. To the first century Jew riches were a blessing from God for being good. Riches meant goodness. And he is a good man, following the Law, a moral man, outwardly a great success. Surely God would be pleased with this man?

But Jesus’ first words expose his heart problem. 18 “Why do you call me good?” Jesus asked. “Only God is truly good.”

This man thinks people can be good enough for God. He thinks that he is good. And he sees that Jesus is a good man like him. So he flatters Jesus “Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life”. Oh, it’s a good question, asked of the right person, but there’s a flaw. Good teacher, what must I do? He is self-righteous. And I think he secretly thought Jesus would say “oh, you are so good, you’re fine. Well done!”

But Jesus says “only God is good.” When we’re talking about God, and knowing God, good does not mean good. Good means utterly perfect. Holy, without spot or blemish. Shining, painfully bright perfection. Only God is good.

But the man doesn’t get the hint. So Jesus quotes some of the Ten Commandments to him.

Now those of you coming to the Bible Study should know the purpose of the Law. The Law shows us our sin. We read God’s word and we’re like oh no! I need help! It makes us realise our dependence. The Law was not there, was never there, to be a checklist to impress God (or worse, a checklist to then say to God hey you owe me salvation) Galatians 3:10 But those who depend on the law to make them right with God are under his curse, for the Scriptures say, “Cursed is everyone who does not observe and obey all the commands that are written in God’s Book of the Law.”

But the man is so in love with himself he doesn’t understand. 20 “Teacher,” the man replied, “I’ve obeyed all these commandments since I was young.”

And maybe he has. Maybe he’s a fantastic guy. But like an alarm bell in his head should have been this: why didn’t Jesus quote the first four commands – all those to do with relating to God.
This man’s problem is that he is outwardly good but his heart far from God. He is self-sufficient. He can say the right words and play the part, but at the end of the day he saves himself: it is his actions, his words, his goodness that counts, that gets him all the way to paradise. He does not consider himself helpless, like a child. He does not cry out “help me in my unbelief”. Instead he says “I’ve obeyed all these commandments since I was young.”. I did it. I achieved it. God, you owe me salvation.
Indeed.
Who is God then if you are ordering God around, making God do things because you’ve pushed the right spiritual buttons.

This whole charade with Jesus is to justify himself. HE wanted Jesus to say “well done, you’ve done it, what a great guy you are.”

But, instead, Jesus loves him, and gives him a command that is impossible, that will make him dependent. A command that costs. Sell all that you have and follow me.
The man’s security was found in his wealth, his power, his prestige. His “goodness” was based on his abundance, living the good life. Give up your false security, says Jesus, and have faith in me – follow me.

The demand is stark. This man trusts in himself, follows his own path. Jesus demands that he trust in Jesus, and follow Jesus. He’s calling him to obey the commandments he didn’t quote: to have no other gods before him, to stop worshipping idols, to honour his name-

And the man goes away… sad. Good people cannot be saved because they cannot see their need for salvation.

“Dear children, it is very hard to enter the Kingdom of God. 25 In fact, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of God!”

We are in severe danger in Norway: Our wealth blinds us to our need for God. Our self-sufficiency leads us away from him. Our Christian morals leads us to self-righteousness.

26 The disciples were astounded. “Then who in the world can be saved?” they asked. 27 Jesus looked at them intently and said, “Humanly speaking, it is impossible.

What are you trusting in? Is it yourself. Your own abilities. When you go to bed at night do you feel good or bad depending on what you’ve done during the day? Do you feel far away or near to God depending on your performance? Beware! Because you may be trusting in yourself rather than the free grace of Jesus.
And you are forgetting that you are a sinner. You are a law-breaker by nature, at your very core. You cannot satisfy the perfection of a great and holy and good God, not even as a Christian. No-one is good but God alone. There is great freedom in realising we are incapable of doing any good on our own! I can’t do it. Yippee, Jesus has doen it for me and I am free! SO let us repent now, stop trusting in our earthly riches, and follow Jesus!

Good people cannot be saved.

3. Only Jesus can save

Thankfully verse 27 does not end there where I ended it. 27 Jesus looked at them intently and said, “Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But not with God. Everything is possible with God.

How is it possible. Only through Jesus. Jesus is about to achieve the impossible. He, the only good man, is walking towards Jerusalem, towards his death. 32 They were now on the way up to Jerusalem, and Jesus was walking ahead of them. The disciples were filled with awe, and the people following behind were overwhelmed with fear. Why is he going to Jerusalem? DOesn’t he know what they will do to him? Yes he does, he who is the first, the top, the best, the good - will become last, a sinner. He will pay the punishment our sins deserve – all of our sins, even those we haven’t committed yet – by being “betrayed to the leading priests and the teachers of religious law. They will sentence him to die and hand him over to the Romans. 34 They will mock him, spit on him, flog him with a whip, and kill him, but after three days he will rise again.”

Jesus, who is first, will be last, in order to make us who are last, outside, banished, first, inside, children of the Living God.

And it is a gift of love, a free, undeserved gift. Peter’s self-righteous claim in verse 28 “hey, we’ve followed you” is cut short by Jesus. “Please, you can’t out-give God!” is what he’s saying in v29-30. It is an undeserved, free gift. Your own abilities do not save you – in fact, they can lead you away from God. Come like a child, helpless, dependent, before the feet of Jesus, crying out “I believe! Help me in my unbelief!”

Isn’t the gospel amazing? Isn’t it just the most wonderful news you’ve ever heard? Isn’t this something we just want to run out and tell people? New life! New life! And given as a free gift! The price has been paid. Come as you are, and receive. Jesus can save. Only Jesus can save. But, boy, can Jesus save! Anyone, any place, anytime. Perhaps you, right now. Come as a child and say “Daddy, please let me be yours”.

Basic parenting 101 or “How to cope as a parent!”

Parenting and the glory of God

According to “The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy”, The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy has replaced the Encyclopaedia Galactica as the store of all knowledge and wisdom because it is cheaper and has the words DON'T PANIC written in large friendly letters on its cover.

Now, the Hitchhiker’s guide may be fictional (made up, fantasy), but we do have a book of Wisdom, all the wisdom we need as parents – and it probably could come (or should come?) with a cover which has the words “Don’t Panic” written on it in large friendly letters.

Parenting is tough, and it’s easy to panic. How will my kids turn out? How should I parent them? Am I scarring them for life? Why are they so irritating? Why do I love them so much? Why do I hate them so much?

When I found out I was going to be a Dad – whew. All sorts of emotions and thoughts ran through my head. And one of them was, indeed, panic. What am I supposed to DO? You get all these voices saying 10 things to be a great Dad, or 5 things to avoid unless you want to scar your children forever, or your culture or tradition saying this is THE RIGHT WAY to raise children or You have to do this or put them in this program or that course for them to achieve their full potential...

That’s why when we come to the Bible it says “Don’t Panic”. God is in control. He is the ultimate Parent, the First Father. Don’t Panic.
And the Bible explains why your kids are so annoying and difficult – and why they are so wonderful and a joy and delight. And it tells us what we need to BE as parents, rather than a list of do’s and don’ts. And so there is great freedom in being a Christian parent. Relax. Trust God. Obey Christ, behave like a Christian towards your children. Pray. Trust God. Trust God.

Children are not machines. There is not one way to handle them. They are each unique, each different. They are people.

1. Your children are made in the image of God (just like you)

Open your Bibles to Genesis, the first book of the Bible, and chapter 1.

Ge 1:26–27 Then God said, “Let us make human beings in our image, to be like us. They will reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, the livestock, all the wild animals on the earth, and the small animals that scurry along the ground.” 27 So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.

Whoever we are, whether we are a woman or a man, adult or child, black or white – we are all of great worth, of infinite worth. For we are all created in the image of God. We were created to reflect God!

And this value is given to us at conception. Come with me to Psalm 139:13–16 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvellous—how well I know it. 15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. 16 You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.

Jeremiah 1:5 “I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb.” And Isaiah 49:1 “The LORD called me before my birth; from within the womb he called me by name.” That’s also why it is right to grieve a miscarriage. Our first baby miscarried and we named him and held a small personal funeral ceremony for him.

What does this have to do with parenting? Children are made in the image of God. They are each a unique creation. They are not a part of you. They do not belong to you. They belong to God. They are given to you to look after for a while. But they are His.

Ps 127:3–5 (NLT) Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him. 4 Children born to a young man are like arrows in a warrior’s hands. 5 How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them!

Children are a reward. A delight! We rejoice over our children! And whether they are Downs, or a genius, whether they are good at maths or struggle with 2+2, whether they can speak eloquently or run fast or speak in grunts, whether they are good-looking or a bit plain – they are made in God’s likeness and they reflect something of the divine.

In our society we don’t believe that. We believe in utilitarianism and evolution: those who are useful, those who are strong, those who are wanted, are those who are valuable. 90% of Downs babies are killed before they are born. Most children with disabilities detected in the womb are simply wiped out, eradicated, murdered, before they’ve taken their first breath. We are saying that disabled people have no place in our society. They are unwelcome.

The Bible says no. They are welcome. They are of infinite value because they carry the divine spark. And, lest we forget, all of us exit this world disabled – either through accident, our bodies all smashed up, or through disease, our body or mind destroyed, or through old age, wasting away in our body or mind. Perhaps that is why we try to erase them, because they remind us of our dependence. We are all dependent on God and dependent on each other. The disabled person has a head start on us – he understands what dependence means. The rest of us fool ourselves for a while that we are independent. The disabled says “help me”.

So your child, whoever they may be, is a gift, a reward, a delight in the eyes of the Lord. He or she is a precious creation. Remember that.

Children are made in the image of God (just like you).

2. Your children are sinners (just like you)

To be a parent is to be filled with joy. And to be a parent is to suffer. Both of those are true. It is both frustrating and uplifting. It is a paradox – at times the best thing ever, and at times the worst thing ever. Why?

Because parenting involves dealing with raw unfiltered people. As adults we learn to hide our true thoughts and feelings, or at least filter them – this one is good, this one is bad. Should I kiss my wife – good. Should I throw a tantrum – bad.

Kids don’t have that filter. They don’t hide things. It just all spills out.

Your kids may be made in the image of God – but that image has been marred, scarred, by sin. Yes your delightful little angel of a child is a sinner. He may look like an angel, but he is depraved: sin runs through him like a virus. He does not seek God, does not love God… just like you and just like me. Your angel is still a member of the human race. He’s a sinner. And sinners sin. Don’t be surprised by that.

Our hearts are bent. We want what is wrong. And we don’t want what is right. No parent teaches their child to be rebellious. Or to lie. Or to cheat. Or to punch their brother in the head. That comes naturally. The modern idea that people are inherently good is just absolutely ludicrous. It is so dumb. It’s just wishing!
Have you ever MET another person? Have you met a three year old? They’re charming – and then something doesn’t go their way….!

Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time there were 12 little boys and 12 little girls. These 12 little boys and 12 little girls were all aged around 3 years old.

The 12 little boys and 12 little girls were let loose in a playground without any supervision.

Peace reigned.

The little boys all co-operated together to build a large and detailed sandcastle. There was no fighting, shouting, shoving or pushing. Boys waited their turn to use the spades or the buckets. No-one smashed down the sand castle, or threw sand into someone's eye, or put a bucket on someone else's head - really hard.

The little girls also played quietly, sharing their toys, and patiently waiting their turn on the swings, or on the slide. No-one pushed past each other, tried to grab someone else's toy, or screamed or cried when they didn't get their way.

Life was idyllic.

Then one day "society" decided to assert itself, in the form of adult supervision.

Insidiously, they began to spread evil amongst the children! The children started to have selfish thoughts, they began to grab each others toys and shout "MINE!".

Soon, all too soon, chaos reigned, as "society" poisoned these poor innocent children.

The inherent goodness of these 12 little boys and 12 little girls was soon ruined beyond repair.

And they all lived unhappily ever after.

Well, that’s the fairytale our society likes to tell. The inherently good fallacy. That society (or parents) is to blame for me doing wrong. Not me. What a fairytale.

The Bible’s picture is much more realistic. We are inherently selfish: that is, we think first and often only of ourselves. We are self-worshippers. God and or others come second to us. We are on the throne. We rule our lives. The Bible calls this selfishness sin, because we are not supposed to be on the throne. God is on the throne.
This is why your kids struggle to obey you. Because they are busy pretending to be God – I am on the throne. And then you come along and tell them what to do. Nobody tells God what to do…. Fight.

Your children disobey you. Your children argue and fight and are nasty not because you’re doing something wrong – but because they are human beings and doing what comes naturally. Sin is the root cause of these behaviours. Your kids disobey you because they are sinners.

I remember once shouting “What is wrong with you?!” to Kaleb. He said “My heart is bent.”

So true. Your children are made in the image of God (just like you). Your children are sinners (just like you).

3. Jesus Christ is the key to parenting

Our kids are sinners, and so parenting often feels like a fight! But fight you must. Bad parenting is giving up!
Part of the job of parenting is teaching this sinful selfish person how to be unselfish and care about others. How to teach the bent heart to be straight. Listen to these words from Proverbs (wisdom words).

Pr 19:18 Discipline your children while there is hope. Otherwise you will ruin their lives.
Pr 22:6 Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.
Pr 29:17 Discipline your children, and they will give you peace of mind and will make your heart glad.

How do we discipline them? Well, it is actually not so much what we say but what we do, what we are. What is said does not have the weight of what is done. Children will do as you do, not do as you say.

Pr 14:26 Those who fear the LORD are secure; he will be a refuge for their children.
Pr 20:7 The godly walk with integrity; blessed are their children who follow them.
Pr 23:24 The father of godly children has cause for joy. What a pleasure to have children who are wise.

Godly children come from godly parents. Why? Because the godly father (or mother) understands that the child’s heart is just as sinful as his own. And he knows that manipulation and reward and punishment only go so far – that the key to godly children lies with Christ. He is the only one who can turn a heart around. Only Christ can straighten a bent heart.

Eph 6:1-4 Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do. 2 “Honour your father and mother.” This is the first commandment with a promise: 3 If you honour your father and mother, “things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth.” 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.

Our role as parents is to help our children understand themselves – understand why they do the things they do. We help them see sin in all its ugliness. We don’t cover it up, but show it to them. When they sin and when they are sinned against – by their friends, classmates – and very importantly, when we sin against them.
“You see, what Daddy did then was wrong. I’m sorry I shouted at you.” Or “I’m sorry I ignored you”. Or “I’m sorry I said your drawing was stupid. I sinned against you – I was thinking of myself”. Or “I sinned by losing my temper. What you did was wrong, but I let my anger get control of me, instead of controlling my anger. This is why we need Jesus. Only he can forgive us, make us right with him. And he loves us, just as we are. We’re accepted.”

In our family it is safe to sin. Grace is always available. Forgiveness follows swiftly. Repentance is called for and accepted happily. It is not cheap to sin – there are consequences, punishment – but we understand that we will sin against each other. We are quick to forgive. Quick to admit when we have done wrong.
At least, that’s how it should work. Sometimes we don’t get it right. But the gospel is at the heart of our family. We are forgiven sinners.

Parents in the Old Testament were given these commands, which I think sum up very well the centrality of the gospel in our families, in our parenting.

Dt 6:20–21 (NLT) “In the future your children will ask you, ‘What is the meaning of these laws, decrees, and regulations that the LORD our God has commanded us to obey?’ 21 “Then you must tell them, ‘We were Pharaoh’s slaves in Egypt, but the LORD brought us out of Egypt with his strong hand.

Tell your kids the gospel. Tell how we have been rescued by God.

Dt 6:7 Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.

So through all of life we speak about the gospel, about the Lord – in discipline, when we’re driving along in beautiful Telemark – easy to say wow, look what God has made. Or God was just showing off when he made Telemark! Why do people do the things they do. When friends or classmates are horrible – we talk about sin and forgiveness, and how God has forgiven us so we can forgive others. Why bad things happen in the world – we explain how they are a sign of judgement – a warning to repent. How we need to repent. The power of saying sorry. All areas where we can talk to our kids about Christ.

So that’s just in everyday conversation. But it’s also good to set aside time to read the Bible and pray with your kids. For example every night I read the Bible to them. From about age 3 I’ve read the “adult” Bible to them, basically because stories aren’t edited! They get to see humanity in all its good times and bad times. We see murder and war and rape and incest and sin – and obedience and celebration and joy and marriage. The whole range of life – and God is God through all of it. The danger of reading children’s Bible’s is that all the “nasty” bits are taken out – which leaves children with the wrong impression that God is only God of the good!

Ps 34:11 (NLT) Come, my children, and listen to me, and I will teach you to fear the LORD.

Ps 78:4 (NLT) We will not hide these truths from our children; we will tell the next generation about the glorious deeds of the LORD, about his power and his mighty wonders.

One last point before I finish. I just want to point out that spiritual leadership of the family is NOT “womans work” – but it is the task given to the father (did you notice that in Ephesians 6?). Of course, mothers are called to teach their children about God in all of life – and generally they will do most of it since they’re with the kids more. But Fathers, it is your responsibility. How are you looking after you wife spiritually? Are you leading HER well? Fathers, take ownership of your family’s spiritual needs. You are the spiritual head. Are you getting fed? I notice there’s far more women coming to the Bible studies than men. Do you men think that you know the Bible well enough? Or have you not understood the responsibility that God has given you? Own this. Love your kids. Be a father. This means you need to spend time with your kids. Get to know them. Listen to them.

And if you don’t know how, don’t know what – we’re a community. Watch how others do it! Ask for advice. How did you deal with this? You are not alone.

To sum up then: Basic parenting? Remember they belong to God. Remember they are made in his image. Remember they are sinners. Remember only the gospel has the power to save them. So show them Jesus in your words, your actions, your life. Love them like Jesus.

In other words be a Christian towards you kids.
And trust God with your kids. He is sovereign over them as well. Don’t panic. Don’t panic!

Colossians 3:16-21 ALL of life: at home.

Colossians 3:12-4:6

How do we “live in community” together? What does a Christian community look like? What does it mean to be a Christian Dad or Mom? Or a Christian child? Or a Christian worker? Or a Christian boss? How do we relate to each other in the church? Our neighbours? Non-Christians? What about people of other faiths? Muslims? Hindus? Bahai? Christians who don’t know Christ (“churchians” or “religionists”)? Outsiders?

Last week we looked at the answer to some of those questions, particularly about relationships in the church: in vv13-15 we see that we are to make allowance for each others’ faults, be quick to forgive, live in peace – it’s pretty clear that the Lord is not fooled by outward appearance! He knows that there will be conflict. He knows that within the church people will upset each other and offend each other and step on each others’ toes. It’s not all fluffy bunnies and ice cream in the church! So instead of pretending that we’ll never sin against each other (ha!) we’re called to work hard at forgiving each other, making allowance for each others’ faults – basically being thick skinned, not getting easily offended, not looking for ways to cause problems – and to live in peace. Above all LOVE each other.

That’s hard. And that’s why we remember that we are in chapter 3, not chapter 1! How does chapter 3 begin? Since you have been raised to new life with Christ. It’s something that happened. The call to obedience in chapter 3 is because of chapter 1 and 2: we have been saved by God’s power, by God’s grace, alone. He is supreme. He holds us. He gives us his power and strength to serve him. Remember 1:11 We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy, always thanking the Father. He enables us to live as Christian people. He gives us his power, his strength to serve him.

And most of all, he gives us his love.

As I said two weeks ago, love can’t be faked. We must be given it by God. Our hard selfish hearts of stone need to be swapped out with hearts of flesh, hearts filled with the love of God. Because, you see, we are called to act like vv12-17 (in fact like ALL of chapter 3), not just for a couple of hours on a Sunday, and maybe the occasional special event where we all dress up nicely and put on our fake smiles, or pitch in for a dugnad and pretend to like it… but all the time.

All. The. Time. Every minute of every day, wherever you are, whatever you are doing: you are to be tender-hearted, full of mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. And so on and so on and so on. The whole chapter!
All the time. Full of love. Full of truth. Full of peace.

“You demand the impossible”, we say to God!
And he replies “now, you’re starting to understand.”
The life of a Christian is impossible…without Christ. Without his Spirit, his power, his heart, we will fall short.

Think about it. Changing nappies – be like Christ. In church – be like Christ. When someone offends you – be like Christ. When your husband or wife wounds you deeply – be like Christ. When your kids are driving you crazy, pushing your buttons and making you MAD – be like Christ. When you’re at work, bored out of your mind – be like Christ.

17 And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.

We’ve looked at our relationships in the church, now Paul briefly turns his attention to our relationships outside the church: wife and husband, children and parents, (both of which we’ll look at today) then slave and master, and outsiders (which we’ll look at next week).

So, how are we to be like Christ at home: in our marriage, with our children and parents?

1. Wives and husbands v18-19

18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly.

What do you feel when you hear v18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord.?
Anger? Approval? Fear? Dismissal?

But this is the word of God, isn’t it? Jesus commissioned his apostles to write his words, to tell people about him and to explain the fullness of his teaching, through his Holy Spirit. Paul was specially commissioned as the Apostle to the Gentiles. Peter speaks of Paul’s letters as Holy Scripture. And what’s written here is certainly not contrary to the created order in Genesis 1 and 2 which Jesus himself quoted as being the very Word of God.

So we cannot just dismiss what we don’t like. So let’s put our initial reaction aside, and examine this more closely.

What’s interesting with this list of wives/husbands, children/parents, slaves/masters is the equality of all. The husband and the wife are to obey the Lord. Masters and slaves are equally addressed, as are parent and children. Those without power (or with less power) (wives, children, slaves) are addressed as equal citizens of heaven, being called to live in a way that pleases the Lord. Those with power (husbands, parents, masters) are reminded that their power is given under God, to be used as HE sees fit: in love, for the good of those under your power. This is no justification for abuse of power – it is the opposite!
It’s very clear that these couplets are to be read together. There is no justification for someone quoting v18 without taking v19 – despite the fact that some have done that in the past to justify their bullying behaviour. Ironically, many “modern” women are doing that today to justify their rejection of God’s word. First of all, who are you to stand in judgement over God? How arrogant! Second of all, why do you not read v19?

In v18 God says, yes, wives, submit. Why? Because it is fitting for those who belong to the Lord. Submission is fitting.
But what is submission? What’s interesting is that the word in the original Greek was not used to describe the marriage relationship in those days. Paul wasn’t just taking something from the old 1^st Century culture and dressing it up a “Christian”. The word for submit here is something uniquely Christian, and has to do with order. We submit because it is the way that God has ordered creation.
The word is also very closely linked to humility. So the mark of a Christian wife is not pride and arrogance, but humility, a glad and willing servant heart. In other words, she is a wife…like Christ.

Likewise the “love” of the husband is not familial love or erotic love but the love of Christ, which is a self-sacrificial love. He is also called not to pride and self-sacrifice, but to deny himself and use his God-given authority for the good of his wife. In other words, he is a husband…like Christ.

Our society is interesting because we have no problem with v19. Of course, we say, husbands should love [their] wives and never treat them harshly. Everybody knows that!
Well, of course everybody knows that because we’ve had the Bible drummed into our heads and affecting our culture for over 1000 years here in Norway. Ask the women in Syria how they are being treated now. Islam gives women very little respect. They are not equal with men. And they are treated as such. The treatment of women in the Islamic world, particularly now under ISIS, is horrific. I was going to share some stories but I decided not to do so, as they were too disturbing.
In Hinduism, women and men are not equal. In traditional African religion the man is the head and the woman his servant, and he is the head for his own good pleasure, not for the good of others.
In feminism the woman is the head, for her own good pleasure. Any thought of serving her husband is ridiculous. It’s all about me, my needs, my wants being met.

Why, then is Christianity so different to every other religion or philosophy? Why the equality of men and women? Why does leadership and headship mean servanthood and selflessness instead of power and glorifying myself?
Because that’s what Jesus is like. Because our relationships are modelled on his.

In the Trinity, the Son lovingly submits (same word) to the Father, and wants to glorify him and magnify his name. The Father loves the Son, and wants to glorify him and magnify his name. There is an order there: the Son submits to the Father, the Father loves the Son. And our marriages are to reflect this. It is joyful voluntary submission, and joyful, servant-hearted headship.

This means, ladies, that if you do not respect your husband, if you are always bossing him about, if you are always pushing for your way to do things, if you are making decisions and controlling everything – you need to repent. You need to apologise to him. You need to say, please, take the lead. I have taken your place.
And husbands, you might need to do the same. Apologise to your wife because you’ve not loved her like you should. You have not taken responsibility for your marriage, for your relationship, for your wife. If you have a bad marriage, it is YOUR responsibility to fix it. It will be painful, it will be hard, it will involve a great deal of confessing sin, and putting yourself, your own interests and desires aside. You will need to spend time with your wife. You will need to talk about feelings, and emotions (!). You will need to listen to her and try to understand her. You will need to confess your sin to her. You will need to read the Bible with her and pray together. You need to watch over her life and show her her sin and help her repent (always easy!) – and listen to her when she points out your sin and repent of your sin (always easy!).

You need to look out for each other, seeking each others’ good, and always pointing each other back to the gospel, back to Christ. We are two sinners, but we will obey the Lord by his grace.
Husband, please lead like Christ. Wife, please submit like Christ. And then as people look at your marriage they will see the gospel pictured. Hey, there’s how Christ loves his church, there’s how the church responds to Christ.

If you want to know more, why not download or read the sermon on Ephesians 5:21-33 “Christ and the church”. And ask those of us with a bit more experience living as a Christian couple “how do you deal with this, or “do you have advice here” and so on. And watch us. And if what we’re doing seems to line up with the Bible, then do that! That’s part of the reason we are in a community together, so that we can show each other how to live. We learn from each other, from those a little further along the road. Oh that’s how to do it. I have learnt a great deal about being a husband and father from two good friends of mine, just by watching them with their wives and children. Seeing Christ at work in people is really helpful.

So, wives, respect your husband’s authority, and husbands, love your wives unselfishly.

2. Children and parents v19-21

20 Children, always obey your parents, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged.

What’s fascinating here is that Paul addresses children directly in his letter. Children? Why bother talking to children? Why give them a motivation for obedience? They must obey or be punished.

But, no, our Lord is the one who rebuked his disciples for treating the children as unworthy of coming to him. Children are people, people made in the image of God. And so they are given responsibility just like everyone else. They are to “obey their parents”.

Note the stronger word now. It is not submit, but obey. They are called to listen and obey. That’s what my Dad used to say to my sister and I “you will listen and you will obey”. How I hated those words. They struck right at the heart of my self-centredness and pride. And oh how those words are what I needed to hear. I’m so glad I had a Dad (and Mom!) who called me to OBEY. Because this “pleases the Lord” says v20.

Why? Because the family relationship reflects God’s relationship with us. He is our Father, and we are to obey him. It is much easier to understand our relationship with him if we’ve had a good earthly father who loved us, cared for us, and called us to obedience.

The modern “kids can raise themselves” philosophy is simply an excuse for laziness and uninvolvement. Kids don’t know what’s best. They are not little adults. Their understanding of the world is limited. They don’t understand the dangers in the world, in other people, and in themselves. Their mind, emotion and wills are immature. They need to be protected, nurtured, cared for. Given a safe environment to grow and be who they were created to be. That’s our job as parents. Not to stifle, not to ignore – but to inspire, guide, lead, show, and love.

That’s why v21 says , do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged.

As parents we have the power to demand obedience from our children – and that for their good, not for our convenience. Our goal is to model Christ to them, and I think that’s part of the reason v21 says specifically fathers rather than parents. It reminds us that the role we are playing is the role of our Heavenly Father, God Himself. God “parents” us out of his deep love, doing what is best for us. He uses his power for our good. We are to do the same, and the greatest good is to point them to God. We show them that they are sinners who need the gospel of grace. We show them that we are sinners who need the gospel of grace. Debby and I make sure that we apologise to our children when we have sinned against them (maybe by losing our tempers, for example!) – and we call our sin, sin. And we say we need Jesus to forgive us. And when they argue and fight and do the things kids do – we call their sin, sin, and don’t make excuses for it but remind them that the Bible says their hearts are corrupt, so of course they will sin – don’t be surprised or despondent about it – but there is hope: God has made a way to be made right, through Jesus. In Christ we can ask for forgiveness and receive it. So we model both the seriousness of sin and the joy of forgiveness.

Children must obey their parents, for it pleases the Lord. It is part of their obedience to him. Fathers, do not discourage the children by aggravating them.
I think there’s another reason Paul says “fathers” here: it is to remind the father that as the head of the home he has the final responsibility for raising his children. It’s his job. He can’t just delegate to his wife and be done with it! He must be involved! Fathers, you model God to your kids – and he is not absent.

Again, if you want to know more or you got any questions – ask! We are a community. We do life together. And you can download the talk on Ephesians 6:1-4 called, simply “Fathers”.

20 Children, always obey your parents, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged.

17 And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.

As Christians we are not free to live how we please. We belong to the Lord. Our lives belong to the Lord. Our relationships belong to the Lord. And so we are to submit to our husband, for this is fitting. We are to love our wives and never treat them harshly. We are to obey our parents, for this pleases the Lord. And we are to parent our children like our Heavenly Father, with love, with deep involvement, and acting for their good, and always sharing the gospel.