Parenting and the glory of God
According to “The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy”, The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy has replaced the Encyclopaedia Galactica as the store of all knowledge and wisdom because it is cheaper and has the words DON'T PANIC written in large friendly letters on its cover.
Now, the Hitchhiker’s guide may be fictional (made up, fantasy), but we do have a book of Wisdom, all the wisdom we need as parents – and it probably could come (or should come?) with a cover which has the words “Don’t Panic” written on it in large friendly letters.
Parenting is tough, and it’s easy to panic. How will my kids turn out? How should I parent them? Am I scarring them for life? Why are they so irritating? Why do I love them so much? Why do I hate them so much?
When I found out I was going to be a Dad – whew. All sorts of emotions and thoughts ran through my head. And one of them was, indeed, panic. What am I supposed to DO? You get all these voices saying 10 things to be a great Dad, or 5 things to avoid unless you want to scar your children forever, or your culture or tradition saying this is THE RIGHT WAY to raise children or You have to do this or put them in this program or that course for them to achieve their full potential...
That’s why when we come to the Bible it says “Don’t Panic”. God is in control. He is the ultimate Parent, the First Father. Don’t Panic.
And the Bible explains why your kids are so annoying and difficult – and why they are so wonderful and a joy and delight. And it tells us what we need to BE as parents, rather than a list of do’s and don’ts. And so there is great freedom in being a Christian parent. Relax. Trust God. Obey Christ, behave like a Christian towards your children. Pray. Trust God. Trust God.
Children are not machines. There is not one way to handle them. They are each unique, each different. They are people.
1. Your children are made in the image of God (just like you)
Open your Bibles to Genesis, the first book of the Bible, and chapter 1.
Ge 1:26–27 Then God said, “Let us make human beings in our image, to be like us. They will reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, the livestock, all the wild animals on the earth, and the small animals that scurry along the ground.” 27 So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.
Whoever we are, whether we are a woman or a man, adult or child, black or white – we are all of great worth, of infinite worth. For we are all created in the image of God. We were created to reflect God!
And this value is given to us at conception. Come with me to Psalm 139:13–16 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvellous—how well I know it. 15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. 16 You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.
Jeremiah 1:5 “I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb.” And Isaiah 49:1 “The LORD called me before my birth; from within the womb he called me by name.” That’s also why it is right to grieve a miscarriage. Our first baby miscarried and we named him and held a small personal funeral ceremony for him.
What does this have to do with parenting? Children are made in the image of God. They are each a unique creation. They are not a part of you. They do not belong to you. They belong to God. They are given to you to look after for a while. But they are His.
Ps 127:3–5 (NLT) Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him. 4 Children born to a young man are like arrows in a warrior’s hands. 5 How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them!
Children are a reward. A delight! We rejoice over our children! And whether they are Downs, or a genius, whether they are good at maths or struggle with 2+2, whether they can speak eloquently or run fast or speak in grunts, whether they are good-looking or a bit plain – they are made in God’s likeness and they reflect something of the divine.
In our society we don’t believe that. We believe in utilitarianism and evolution: those who are useful, those who are strong, those who are wanted, are those who are valuable. 90% of Downs babies are killed before they are born. Most children with disabilities detected in the womb are simply wiped out, eradicated, murdered, before they’ve taken their first breath. We are saying that disabled people have no place in our society. They are unwelcome.
The Bible says no. They are welcome. They are of infinite value because they carry the divine spark. And, lest we forget, all of us exit this world disabled – either through accident, our bodies all smashed up, or through disease, our body or mind destroyed, or through old age, wasting away in our body or mind. Perhaps that is why we try to erase them, because they remind us of our dependence. We are all dependent on God and dependent on each other. The disabled person has a head start on us – he understands what dependence means. The rest of us fool ourselves for a while that we are independent. The disabled says “help me”.
So your child, whoever they may be, is a gift, a reward, a delight in the eyes of the Lord. He or she is a precious creation. Remember that.
Children are made in the image of God (just like you).
2. Your children are sinners (just like you)
To be a parent is to be filled with joy. And to be a parent is to suffer. Both of those are true. It is both frustrating and uplifting. It is a paradox – at times the best thing ever, and at times the worst thing ever. Why?
Because parenting involves dealing with raw unfiltered people. As adults we learn to hide our true thoughts and feelings, or at least filter them – this one is good, this one is bad. Should I kiss my wife – good. Should I throw a tantrum – bad.
Kids don’t have that filter. They don’t hide things. It just all spills out.
Your kids may be made in the image of God – but that image has been marred, scarred, by sin. Yes your delightful little angel of a child is a sinner. He may look like an angel, but he is depraved: sin runs through him like a virus. He does not seek God, does not love God… just like you and just like me. Your angel is still a member of the human race. He’s a sinner. And sinners sin. Don’t be surprised by that.
Our hearts are bent. We want what is wrong. And we don’t want what is right. No parent teaches their child to be rebellious. Or to lie. Or to cheat. Or to punch their brother in the head. That comes naturally. The modern idea that people are inherently good is just absolutely ludicrous. It is so dumb. It’s just wishing!
Have you ever MET another person? Have you met a three year old? They’re charming – and then something doesn’t go their way….!
Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time there were 12 little boys and 12 little girls. These 12 little boys and 12 little girls were all aged around 3 years old.
The 12 little boys and 12 little girls were let loose in a playground without any supervision.
Peace reigned.
The little boys all co-operated together to build a large and detailed sandcastle. There was no fighting, shouting, shoving or pushing. Boys waited their turn to use the spades or the buckets. No-one smashed down the sand castle, or threw sand into someone's eye, or put a bucket on someone else's head - really hard.
The little girls also played quietly, sharing their toys, and patiently waiting their turn on the swings, or on the slide. No-one pushed past each other, tried to grab someone else's toy, or screamed or cried when they didn't get their way.
Life was idyllic.
Then one day "society" decided to assert itself, in the form of adult supervision.
Insidiously, they began to spread evil amongst the children! The children started to have selfish thoughts, they began to grab each others toys and shout "MINE!".
Soon, all too soon, chaos reigned, as "society" poisoned these poor innocent children.
The inherent goodness of these 12 little boys and 12 little girls was soon ruined beyond repair.
And they all lived unhappily ever after.
Well, that’s the fairytale our society likes to tell. The inherently good fallacy. That society (or parents) is to blame for me doing wrong. Not me. What a fairytale.
The Bible’s picture is much more realistic. We are inherently selfish: that is, we think first and often only of ourselves. We are self-worshippers. God and or others come second to us. We are on the throne. We rule our lives. The Bible calls this selfishness sin, because we are not supposed to be on the throne. God is on the throne.
This is why your kids struggle to obey you. Because they are busy pretending to be God – I am on the throne. And then you come along and tell them what to do. Nobody tells God what to do…. Fight.
Your children disobey you. Your children argue and fight and are nasty not because you’re doing something wrong – but because they are human beings and doing what comes naturally. Sin is the root cause of these behaviours. Your kids disobey you because they are sinners.
I remember once shouting “What is wrong with you?!” to Kaleb. He said “My heart is bent.”
So true. Your children are made in the image of God (just like you). Your children are sinners (just like you).
3. Jesus Christ is the key to parenting
Our kids are sinners, and so parenting often feels like a fight! But fight you must. Bad parenting is giving up!
Part of the job of parenting is teaching this sinful selfish person how to be unselfish and care about others. How to teach the bent heart to be straight. Listen to these words from Proverbs (wisdom words).
Pr 19:18 Discipline your children while there is hope. Otherwise you will ruin their lives.
Pr 22:6 Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.
Pr 29:17 Discipline your children, and they will give you peace of mind and will make your heart glad.
How do we discipline them? Well, it is actually not so much what we say but what we do, what we are. What is said does not have the weight of what is done. Children will do as you do, not do as you say.
Pr 14:26 Those who fear the LORD are secure; he will be a refuge for their children.
Pr 20:7 The godly walk with integrity; blessed are their children who follow them.
Pr 23:24 The father of godly children has cause for joy. What a pleasure to have children who are wise.
Godly children come from godly parents. Why? Because the godly father (or mother) understands that the child’s heart is just as sinful as his own. And he knows that manipulation and reward and punishment only go so far – that the key to godly children lies with Christ. He is the only one who can turn a heart around. Only Christ can straighten a bent heart.
Eph 6:1-4 Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do. 2 “Honour your father and mother.” This is the first commandment with a promise: 3 If you honour your father and mother, “things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth.” 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.
Our role as parents is to help our children understand themselves – understand why they do the things they do. We help them see sin in all its ugliness. We don’t cover it up, but show it to them. When they sin and when they are sinned against – by their friends, classmates – and very importantly, when we sin against them.
“You see, what Daddy did then was wrong. I’m sorry I shouted at you.” Or “I’m sorry I ignored you”. Or “I’m sorry I said your drawing was stupid. I sinned against you – I was thinking of myself”. Or “I sinned by losing my temper. What you did was wrong, but I let my anger get control of me, instead of controlling my anger. This is why we need Jesus. Only he can forgive us, make us right with him. And he loves us, just as we are. We’re accepted.”
In our family it is safe to sin. Grace is always available. Forgiveness follows swiftly. Repentance is called for and accepted happily. It is not cheap to sin – there are consequences, punishment – but we understand that we will sin against each other. We are quick to forgive. Quick to admit when we have done wrong.
At least, that’s how it should work. Sometimes we don’t get it right. But the gospel is at the heart of our family. We are forgiven sinners.
Parents in the Old Testament were given these commands, which I think sum up very well the centrality of the gospel in our families, in our parenting.
Dt 6:20–21 (NLT) “In the future your children will ask you, ‘What is the meaning of these laws, decrees, and regulations that the LORD our God has commanded us to obey?’ 21 “Then you must tell them, ‘We were Pharaoh’s slaves in Egypt, but the LORD brought us out of Egypt with his strong hand.
Tell your kids the gospel. Tell how we have been rescued by God.
Dt 6:7 Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.
So through all of life we speak about the gospel, about the Lord – in discipline, when we’re driving along in beautiful Telemark – easy to say wow, look what God has made. Or God was just showing off when he made Telemark! Why do people do the things they do. When friends or classmates are horrible – we talk about sin and forgiveness, and how God has forgiven us so we can forgive others. Why bad things happen in the world – we explain how they are a sign of judgement – a warning to repent. How we need to repent. The power of saying sorry. All areas where we can talk to our kids about Christ.
So that’s just in everyday conversation. But it’s also good to set aside time to read the Bible and pray with your kids. For example every night I read the Bible to them. From about age 3 I’ve read the “adult” Bible to them, basically because stories aren’t edited! They get to see humanity in all its good times and bad times. We see murder and war and rape and incest and sin – and obedience and celebration and joy and marriage. The whole range of life – and God is God through all of it. The danger of reading children’s Bible’s is that all the “nasty” bits are taken out – which leaves children with the wrong impression that God is only God of the good!
Ps 34:11 (NLT) Come, my children, and listen to me, and I will teach you to fear the LORD.
Ps 78:4 (NLT) We will not hide these truths from our children; we will tell the next generation about the glorious deeds of the LORD, about his power and his mighty wonders.
One last point before I finish. I just want to point out that spiritual leadership of the family is NOT “womans work” – but it is the task given to the father (did you notice that in Ephesians 6?). Of course, mothers are called to teach their children about God in all of life – and generally they will do most of it since they’re with the kids more. But Fathers, it is your responsibility. How are you looking after you wife spiritually? Are you leading HER well? Fathers, take ownership of your family’s spiritual needs. You are the spiritual head. Are you getting fed? I notice there’s far more women coming to the Bible studies than men. Do you men think that you know the Bible well enough? Or have you not understood the responsibility that God has given you? Own this. Love your kids. Be a father. This means you need to spend time with your kids. Get to know them. Listen to them.
And if you don’t know how, don’t know what – we’re a community. Watch how others do it! Ask for advice. How did you deal with this? You are not alone.
To sum up then: Basic parenting? Remember they belong to God. Remember they are made in his image. Remember they are sinners. Remember only the gospel has the power to save them. So show them Jesus in your words, your actions, your life. Love them like Jesus.
In other words be a Christian towards you kids.
And trust God with your kids. He is sovereign over them as well. Don’t panic. Don’t panic!
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